


Love It Is A River: Choose Your Own Adventure Story

by malome78



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Big Bang Challenge, F/M, M/M, Multi, Stucky Big Bang 2016, sbbb2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 18:38:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 24,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7652380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malome78/pseuds/malome78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an AU unlike any other. Steve is in what he feels is a stagnating relationship with Tony. He has the chance to move on and try and find something with Bucky. What happens when Tony finds out? What about when Bucky realizes he wasn’t exactly single when he asked him out for coffee? Can Steve and Tony work it out? Will Bucky and Steve become lovers? You get to decide how these guys get together, fall apart, and multiple options in between. (8/28/2016- Art by pugglemuggle.tumblr.com added)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The super amazing cover art for this story provided by Pugglemuggle.tumblr.com and can be found at [PuggleMuggle's Cover Art!](http://pugglemuggle.tumblr.com/image/149623535888) While you're ther make sure you follow her too! She is an amazing person. I was at work when I saw it for the first time and I squealed. The cover art is way better than the story itself, just saying.
> 
> Really the whole Steve and Bucky Big Bang has introduced me to some really cool people!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****
> 
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make.
> 
> This chapter is a parallel to chapter two and is from Steve’s point of view. If you want to read from Bucky’s point of view, read chapter two.  
> *****

 Steve drummed his fingers on the table nervously. He was excited to meet Bucky for coffee; it had been forever since he had met anyone he could just sit and talk to for hours. Ever since Steve talked to him after their graduate class, Steve has looked forward to seeing him. This was their first time meeting off campus--it was a big step, and Steve was appropriately nervous.

It didn’t feel like it was a date--not yet anyways. There was a lot of things that needed to fall into place before Steve could take it that far. If he had to label this meeting, he guessed he would call it a predate? Testing the waters? Steve couldn’t deny he found Bucky attractive, but nothing could happen between them yet--Steve was still in a relationship. The relationship was in its death throes, but it was still a relationship.

Steve wasn’t the type of guy who would two-time someone. He didn’t think going out for coffee with someone he was attracted to was crossing a line. Nothing physical would happen between him and Bucky until things were officially over between him and Tony. Tony wouldn’t even notice if he were gone anyway, as he made it abundantly clear that Steve was last on the list of his priorities.

If anyone asked him about Tony he would have a hard time saying a bad thing about the guy--he was giving, wickedly smart, witty, passionate, and driven. Tony was successful, and he had a plan for the two of them so they could have the kind of life Steve could only have dreamed of. The problem was that while Tony finished his second PhD and graduated, creating one of the most successful robotics companies and moving both of them into a luxury condo in Manhattan, Tony seemed to have lost Steve.

When Steve listened to Tony talk about the future, he always thought he would be more of a partner in it and less of an accessory. Tony wanted them to be the idyllic American couple that everyone would aspire to be like, but Tony didn’t spend time with Steve unless it was at some event for his company. When they were home together, Tony was always tinkering with something. It was all well and good that they had a fancy house and could get the best money could buy--food, new clothes, and new cars, but Steve just wanted to feel like he mattered and for Tony to actually acknowledge him. Mostly, though, he wanted to stop the fighting.

Steve didn’t know how it really came to a head, but for the last few months, whenever they’re in the same room, they’ve been fighting--a constant stream of nonsensical fighting that tears at Steve’s heart. It’s always centered around mundane things like sleeping, the right way to assemble furniture, when to clean up, when to spend time together, or when to have sex. The arguments were quite tame, a simple word here and there to rub against the grain, but they’ve stained the air around the two of them and hang between them every time they talk.

He didn’t want to leave because that wouldn’t accomplish anything; he would still be lonely. He really did love Tony, and he knew Tony loved him too, but he was beginning to wonder if that was enough. Steve was scared out of his wits of letting Tony down. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone nor did he want to sully anyone’s opinion of himself and his life choices, but Steve wasn’t sure going through the motions was enough for him anymore. After six years together, Steve wasn’t feeling fulfilled; he knew he was loved, but he didn’t feel loved. He thought going to graduate school to become a teacher would help him find that fulfillment, but he didn’t think that was going to fix things.

Meeting Bucky made Steve realize that his lack of satisfaction was from the relationship aspect of his life, not the career aspect. Steve felt alive in ways he hasn’t in years when he talked to Bucky. Bucky made him laugh and got his pulse racing again. Steve also hadn’t been interested in anything remotely sexual in months, but Bucky rekindled those urges. It was becoming clearer to Steve that it might be time for him to leave Tony.

“Mind if I interrupt the staring match you and that coffee cup are having, or are you trying to set it on fire with your mind?” Bucky laughed, breaking Steve out of his thoughts.

“Oh, I didn’t even realize you were standing there!” 

“Well, if you had looked up, you would have realized I was standing there for at least five minutes,” Bucky said with a chuckle.

“Oh geez, I’m sorry; I was just thinking about some stuff.”

“Thinking or brooding? From over here it looked like brooding. If this is a bad time we can try again for another time...”

“No, I have been looking forward to getting together with you for awhile.”

Bucky sat down across from Steve, his hands resting across the table so his palm was only millimeters away from where Steve and placed his hand.

“So, tell me Steve, why is that?” Bucky asked, biting his lower lip, some of the laughter gone from his eyes.

“To get to know you better, why else?” Steve asked, perplexed.

“We’ve had class together all semester, and we work on projects together all the time.”

“Yeah, but that’s different. I want to get to know you in a more personal way.”

“Alright, just checking. I didn’t want to get the wrong idea about what this was.” Bucky relaxed a little in his chair, less wary than before.

They settled down with their coffees and ended up reordering twice so they had a reason to keep sitting there and talking to each other. They weren’t exactly at the point where they would call it a date, but they were on their way there. Gazes were held a bit too long, one person's foot grazing the other’s under the table in a manner which was not quite accidental. It had all the contents of a really great first date, but then, Tony walked in. Steve didn’t even notice Tony right away because he was so focused on Bucky. Tony waited in the long line for a drink, watching the two men conversing and eating at their table. Even after he got his coffee, he hung back, observing the pair before he decided to make his presence known.

After they were done with their coffees and pastries, their cups and dishes taken away, Bucky leaned back on two legs of his chair and looked at Steve for a long moment, the tiniest hint of a smile curling up his lips.  
  
“What?” Steve asked, feeling self conscious for a moment.  
  
“Nothing, just,” Bucky lets out a deep breath. “I didn’t think we’d ever get to do this, you know--going out on a date together. I didn’t think you would say yes even when I got the courage to ask you out. I wasn’t even sure you knew this was supposed to be a date at first.” Steve’s silly grin is wide, and he reaches across the table, placing his hand over Bucky’s and linking their fingers together.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> If you think Tony should make a scene and call Steve out for what he is doing, read chapter 3.  
> If you think Tony should to shut down and let Steve go, read chapter 4.  
> If you think Tony should blame himself, read chapter 5.  
> If you want to read this from Bucky’s point of view, read chapter 2.  
> If you want to see Steve, Bucky, and Tony try to work through all of this together, read epilogue chapter 16.  
> *****


	2. Chapter 2 (The date from Bucky's perspective)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make.
> 
> This chapter is a parallel to chapter one and is from Bucky’s point of view. If you want to read from Steve’s point of view, read chapter one.  
> *****

Bucky first saw him--a truly exquisite male specimen--standing in front of him in the school library as he shelved books. The man seemed to be working in the college’s library on an assignment of some sort. Bucky thought he looked like a warm apple pie waiting to be eaten: tall, blond, broad and handsome. There was nothing hotter than a man who working on expanding his knowledge through old fashioned research.  
  
Bucky had thought he was going to have to find a reason to meet the man outside the library, but as it turned out, he didn’t have to stalk the hunky stranger--the blond adonis was also in Bucky’s adolescent psychology class. At first, Bucky thought the gods were smiling on him, letting him get close to the object of his lust, but then, the infuriatingly self righteous man opened his mouth.  
  
Steve, as it turns out the man’s name was, had to be the antithesis of everything Bucky thought a proper postgraduate student should be, but unfortunately, that didn’t matter. Because both men were a little older than the other graduate students, Steve became Bucky’s constant partner in class, and it turned out that Steve didn’t think too highly of Bucky either.  
  
They were supposed to be talking about the significance of early intervention in the behavior of preteen students, showcasing a pattern of aggression. Bucky had laid out four pages of notes and case examples. Steve, on the other hand, spoke purely on anecdotal evidence and convictions.  
  
“Did you actually do the reading?” Bucky asked in an exasperated tone.  
  
“Yes, but isn’t life experience as vital to the discussion as the opinion of a scientist whose research was probably done years ago?” Steve replied.  
  
“Psychologists value the facts and statistics,” Buck sighed. “It’s kind of our raison d’etre here. We read case studies, we pick them apart and analyze them, and then we back it up with solid psychology. It’s implied that you actually respect educational science when you sign up for the degree program!”  
  
“Whoever decided that statistics and the results of case studies mean more than anecdotal evidence you glean from actually working with people isn’t going to be a good teacher, they lack heart. Do you realize that cases usually ignore the actual students and kids we are trying to help? They strip away the individual circumstances these kids underwent and reduced them to a number. Every student is different; they are individual people,” Steve explained, his passion clear in his voice.  
  
“That is by far the most infuriating thing I have ever heard. Why on earth would you pick this major if you don’t actually want to learn psychology?”  
  
“I never said I didn’t enjoy psychology. I love psychology, but I love students more. That withstanding, I don’t have to lose sight of the people and kids I am helping because they’re outliers in data. I promised my mother before she died that I would help people. I have to use my heart and my gut to do that.”  
  
“That is the most naive and most cavalier reason for entering a program I have heard! I joined this program because I have a deep love of education and want to use it in the real world--sound science and psychology that can be implemented in reality is very much apart of teaching. It annoys me that to you it’s just a game.”  
  
“Aw, James, I didn’t mean to annoy you.” Steve sneered, “Want to know what else is going to be annoying for you? Correcting all those teenagers who order larges from the Starbucks you work at after graduation--no matter how hard you try, you will never get them to call it a venti. You know a lot of teachers don’t end up making it, right? Figured you would like that factoid, since you like statistics and everything.”

“Oh, and what field of study are you going to be setting the students minds on fire with?” Bucky sneered.

“Art therapy” Steve replied, quieter than before but still proud.

“What kind of punk are you? Therapy is in the name of it! Therapy implies psychology! Students don’t need some out-of-touch, ideological do-gooders. Kids need sane, rational people in their lives.” Bucky remarked, incensed.

“I’m not there to diagnose the kids--I just want to be there to help them find an outlet for their thoughts and feelings. Those kids have people forming lines to form opinions about what they think, feel and how they do things; they don’t need me to do it too. When my mom died, everyone told me I got into fights because I was depressed, that it was aggression based on sorrow. Not one person told me a real way to cope with it! No, they just handed me a pamphlet on the seven stages of grief and made me talk about my feeling once a week. I had to figure it out on my own. I would have been arrested had I not found art and realized it was way more therapeutic than having my head shrunk,” Steve said, punctuating the end of his  tirade with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, Steve,” Bucky apologized. “I didn’t realize that this was that personal.”

“Damn right it’s personal! I’m sick of people like you--the ones who think there is only one way to be good at something. You have a box with all the characteristics of what makes a good teacher, and to you, anyone who is outside that box is wrong and worthless. Students need people who care in their lives, not some frigid academic trying to get them to conform to his opinion of what they should be. Stop trying to get people to measure themselves by your ruler! You’ll only be disappointed, and they’ll leave feeling worthless.” Steve shot up from the table like a bullet and left Bucky alone to ponder his thoughts.

Even though Bucky found Steve incredibly irritating and smug, his words hit him hard and deep. Like a bullet from a sniper's gun, Steve hit a wound that Bucky had been shielding for a decade.  
  
The atmosphere that they had established became the way it went for them most of their classes. Steve thought James was a snooty bookworm out of touch with reality, and Bucky thought Steve was an idealist who wore his heart on his sleeve. It annoyed Bucky that he found Steve so attractive. Steve invaded his thoughts in classes even when they weren’t working together, and during his study time in the library, Bucky would sometimes just watch Steve studying and often drift off into his fantasy world. Just thinking about him made him both impossibly angry and impossibly hard. It wasn’t until the end of their class until Bucky saw something about Steve other than his looks.  
  
The first time he evoked a positive, if incredulous, response from Bucky was in their educational literacy course where they were asked to write an original essay in the prose style of Shakespeare. Steve turned out to have a cunning, quick wit and could marvelously turn a phrase that the bard himself would be jealous of.  
  
“Shall I compare thee to my monthly pay? Thou art cheaper and more desperate. Rough times do come our way, and we shall part ways at any rate,” Steve recited. “Just as good as ‘Sonnet 18,’ if I do say so myself. Did you come up with something?”  
  
“I’m no good with Shakespeare; I prefer the writings of Thomas Paine. I really liked his prose in ‘The American Crisis,’” Bucky answered, somewhat shocked.  
  
“What type of teacher are you going to be--obviously not an English Lit teacher, right?” Steve asked, his curiosity piqued.  
  
“I want to teach European History, actually.” Bucky replied matter-of-factly.  
  
“You’re Russian, right? What brought you to New York?”  
  
“I’m actually from Brooklyn originally, but I moved in with my mother’s grandparents in Moscow after my ma died. I didn’t get along with my stepdad much. He was a teacher at this expensive prep school in the Hamptons. I didn’t play football or polo, and I didn’t want to do summer internships at his buddys’ businesses like all the other good yuppies he dealt with.” Bucky said tersely.  
  
“Is that why you wanted to be a teacher--to gain his approval?” Steve asked gently, his fingers ghosting over Bucky’s arm in an attempt to comfort him.   
  
“No, I still don’t care about his approval; I hated school, but it offered an escape from all the shit I had to put up with growing up.” Bucky stated flippantly.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I never really measured up to my stepfather’s expectations. I wasn’t a manly man, I didn’t network to increase his influence, and I had no desire to pass on my family name and sire a flock of children. School let me escape to a place where I could live up to people’s expectations.”  
  
“You make it sound like he disowned you for being bad at football or something. Jesus, James!” Steve replied with an indignant tone.  
  
“You can call me Bucky, all my friends do. And no, he didn’t disown me for being bad at football. That didn’t happen until he found out I was gay, but I’m digressing.” Bucky said with challenge in his voice, almost daring Steve to make a comment about his sexuallity.  
  
Steve didn’t take the bait and simply ignored it. “I guess I can see why you got so bent out of shape when I was making fun of you and implying you wouldn’t succeed.” Steve said, sounding apologetic.

“Yeah, that wasn’t exactly what I enjoyed hearing.” Bucky didn’t add that Steve’s parting shot that day wounded him much deeper. “Listen, I haven’t talked about my stepfather or my insecurities with anyone aside from my grandparents before. Keep it to yourself, won’t you?” Bucky asked.

“Sure thing, and Ja--I’m sorry, Bucky,” Steve said tentatively, “I get where you are coming from now, about what you said about kids needing steady, consistent people to guide them. I realize you probably didn’t have that with your stepdad. Don’t let what he said or did dictate how you think of yourself. I am sorry I implied there was something lacking from your personality that would make you a bad teacher. I assumed you were like all the other stuffed shirts I dealt with after my mom died.”

Without Bucky saying it, Steve had bandaged a wound Bucky had been carrying since their argument. Looking back on it, that would be the moment Bucky knew he liked Steve for more than his attractiveness.

“It’s really okay Steve,” Bucky assured, smiling weakly. “I am serious though, no one knows I’m gay. I don’t want it to be my defining characteristic as a teacher--Mr. Barnes, the gay history teacher.” Bucky explained, hoping Steve would understand.

“I won’t say anything. Although, soon I doubt it will matter. Someday sexualities won’t be a big deal. If it makes you feel better, I’ll start going by Mr. Rogers the openly bisexual art therapist.” Steve answered with a smirk. 

“Oh God, I never paid attention to your last name. Mr. Rogers? My brain is going to melt. Everytime I think it I’m going to envision you in a cardigan bending over to change into running shoes. Do you have any puppets or a train set you want to break out?” Bucky joked, alleviating the tense moment.  

“You’re a jerk. You know that? Here we are, having an emotional bloodletting, and you have to make that joke? I thought this was the moment that if we were in a movie we would become best friends.” Steve pouted, keeping Bucky’s humorous tone.

Bucky threw his head back and laughed, glad that Steve didn’t make a big deal over his joke, or else it would have been awkward. “Yeah, or fell madly in love with each other.”

Steve gave him an appraising look. “Nah, most teen movies aren’t progressive enough to have a gay romance yet. I guess we’ll have to settle for friends. After all that touchy-feely stuff, I’m famished; let's go get something to eat.”

The two started talking before and after class and spending time studying together on campus. They usually grabbed a quick bite on the go together between classes. As Steve warmed up to Bucky in class, Bucky gained the confidence to pursue his quest outside of school. Given that the two were finally getting along and even seemed to have a decent amount of things in common, Bucky decided that he was going to try and convince Steve to go on a date. Although Bucky remembered how quickly dismissed the idea when Bucky made a passing joke about it. Still, that was weeks ago, he and Steve were a lot close now than they were when he slipped up with that joke.   
  
Bucky took action the week before finals, cornering Steve in the stacks of the school library and trying his best to be suave and dashing. Steve was drawing in his sketchbook when Bucky approached him. Bucky decided he was going to try and charm him with his wit.  With all his confidence, Bucky tapped Steve on the shoulder and said what he thought was a witty and charming pick up line that exuded his confidence. Instead, he barely mumbled what Steve thought was the campest line he ever heard.

 “So, you want to go grab coffee with me? Maybe you can help give me pointers about my future career at Starbucks.”

 “Yeah, I have to make sure a jerk like you doesn’t do something stupid in your future,” Steve answered, giving Bucky a wink.

 “Whatever, punk, I can’t be too dumb since you take all the stupid with you,” Bucky said with a smile.

 Bucky hadn’t expected Steve to agree to the date, but he was over the moon when he did. Bucky had fallen hard for Steve, and it was well past lust at this point. He was giddy when he caught site of Steve at the coffee shop, lost in thought.

 “Mind if I interrupt the staring match you and that coffee cup are having, or are you trying to set it on fire with your mind?” Bucky laughed, breaking Steve out of his thoughts.   
  
“Oh, I didn’t even realize you were standing there!”  
  
“Well, if you had looked up, you would have realized I was standing there for at least five minutes,” Bucky said with a chuckle.  
  
“Oh geez, I’m sorry; I was just thinking about some stuff.”  
  
“Thinking or brooding? From over here it looked like brooding. If this is a bad time we can try again for another time...”  
  
“No, I have been looking forward to getting together with you for a while.”  
  
Bucky sat down across from Steve, his hands resting across the table so his palm was only millimeters away from where Steve and placed his.  
  
“So, tell me Steve, why is that?” Bucky asked, biting his lower lip, some of the laughter gone from his eyes.  
  
“To get to know you better, why else?” Steve asked, perplexed.  
  
“We’ve had class together all semester, and we work on projects together all the time.”  
  
“Yeah, but that’s different. I want to get to know you in a more personal way.”  
  
“Alright, just checking. I didn’t want to get the wrong idea about what this was.” Bucky relaxed a little in his chair, less wary than before.

They settled down with their coffees and ended up reordering twice so they had a reason to keep sitting there and talking to each other. They weren’t exactly at the point where they would call it a date, but they were on their way there. Gazes were held a bit too long, one person's foot grazing the other’s under the table in a manner which was not quite accidental. It had all the contents of a really great first date.

 Bucky was really happy things were going well. He rarely put himself out there for other people. After the way things happened with his stepfather, Bucky didn’t want to let anyone down or deal with the rejection when whoever he was seeing ended up realizing Bucky wasn’t worth their time. Steve was different, though, and Bucky was ready to take a chance on Steve.

 Bucky loved listening to Steve talk about his opinions. What Bucky thought was naivety at first was really passion and conviction. Steve was a rare kind of man--he was honest and stalwart and altruistic. Steve fought for what he thought was right even if it wasn’t the easy thing. He never held his thoughts back when he thought something was unfair or unjust, even when it cost him grades or time.

 Bucky couldn’t believe someone like Steve saw something in him. At first, Bucky thought he may have been reading too much into the situation between him and Steve, but he was sure after the second hour into their date that he wasn’t just projecting his feelings on Steve.

 Bucky leaned back on two legs of his chair and looked at Steve for a long moment, the tiniest hint of a smile curling up his lips.  
  
“What?” Steve asked, feeling self conscious for a moment.  
  
“Nothing, just,” Bucky lets out a deep breath. “I didn’t think we’d ever get to do this, you know--going out on a date together. I didn’t think you would say yes even when I got the courage to ask you out. I wasn’t even sure you knew this was supposed to be a date at first.” Steve’s silly grin is wide, and he reaches across the table, placing his hand over Bucky’s and linking their fingers together.

Their moment is interrupted by one of the baristas coming over. “I was asked by a Mister Tony Stark to bring you these coffees and his regards.”

 Bucky’s brow furrowed. “Who is Tony Stark?”

 Steve had gone from looking him in the eyes and holding his hand to staring downward with his hands in his lap.

 “Steve, do you know Tony?”

 Barely audible, Steve replied. “Yes; he’s my partner.”

 “What do you mean your partner? Are you in the middle of a business deal?”

 Steve shifted in his seat uncomfortably, “No. He is my boyfriend. We live together. I’ve been with him for six years.”

 Bucky’s face closed off into a scowl. “Wait. I thought this was a date? Why are you leading me on and going on a date with me if you are in a six year relationship?” Bucky sat back, arms crossed and wary again.

 Steve winced and rubbed the back of his head. “It’s complicated. Tony and I have been drifting apart for a while now. Our relationship has been over in all but name for a while...”

 Bucky cut him off, “So you’re leaving him?” Bucky stared at him, feeling like all the air had been punched from his gut--Steve hadn’t even broken off his relationship before going on a date with him.

 “Yes. Well, maybe. I haven’t talked to him about any of this yet. I have been so lonely and isolated lately--I just needed to get close to someone. Tony and I aren’t really having much of a relationship anymore. We haven’t talked in days. You and I have been dancing around something all semester, and I really like you, and...”

 “Save it. If you aren’t single, then this thing between us is cheating, and I am not going to be the other woman for anyone.” Bucky hadn’t felt this wronged since the day his step-dad kicked him out. Obviously, it wasn’t the same level of betrayal, but Bucky still felt violated.

 “It’s not like that Buck-” Steve reached out to grab Bucky’s hand, but Bucky jerked it away.

 “No, it’s exactly like that!” Bucky threaded one of his hands through his hair as his voice got increasingly louder. “You led me on; I’m sitting here planning on second dates and our first kiss if everything went well today, and you’re just biding your time to go back to Tony?”

 “No, I really like you.” Steve said earnestly. “I can see myself falling love with you and having a future.”

 “Is that before or after you break it off with Tony?”

 “I wanted to see if I was reading things right, if you felt the same way about me. If we had chemistry.”

 “Steve, that’s not how this works.” Bucky said incredulously, snapping out every word. “If two people truly have feelings for one another, then they don’t cheat. They break up with their other partner, and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in this.”

 “I’m not holding anyone hostage here.”

 “Really? Go home and ask Tony that.”

 “Bucky, don’t be like that...”

 “No! I won’t you let me or Tony be led on while you decide which of our hearts you’re going to break. You can’t live with two people in limbo when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit to either of them.” Bucky got up and started to walk out.

 “Wait, can I see you again? Or at least call you?” Steve pleaded.

 Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose. “Cheating in a relationship is not an accident. It is a choice. You chose to cheat. You chose to be dishonest. It has nothing to do with opportunities received or opportunities missed. One thing I know for sure--such relationships have no life, and if you cheat on Tony to be with me, you might also cheat on me. It’s as simple as that.” Bucky turned and walked out, leaving Steve alone.

“Wait, Buck, give me a shot...”

Bucky cut him off again. “I can’t… I can’t do this.” He leveled him with a flat look. “I can’t do this. I gotta… I gotta go.”

Bucky needed to get out of there and process this information. He really liked Steve--he had admired once he had gotten to know him. They had an easy chemistry between them, and they had flirted and snarked back and forth for months, so Bucky was so excited to go on this date. He had really wanted to try and start something with Steve.

Bucky started his walk home, kicking a discarded beer bottle along the empty sidewalk. The farther he got away from the coffee shop the angrier and more upset he got. In a moment of frustration, he gave the beer bottle a harsh kick. Bucky listened to the glass shatter, finding it sounded similar to the feeling of his stupid heart breaking. He allowed himself to let out a quiet sob, burying his face in his hands as he tried his best to regain his composure.

He was really disappointed in the turn of events. Steve was in a serious relationship. He’d been with this other man for six whole years, and Bucky had been flirting and getting his hopes up this whole time. Steve didn’t want him to be his boyfriend, he wanted a “side chick.” Worst of all, Bucky had been so smitten by Steve, he had never thought something could be going on. Steve obviously wasn’t the man Bucky thought he was if he could do this to his partner, and Bucky didn’t want to be the type of man that would be responsible for breaking up someone's relationship.  


If Steve was right about things between him and Tony, then he should have talked it out with Tony and ended it--waiting and seeing what happened with Bucky was the cowardly thing to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> If you think Steve should realize he should stay with Tony, read chapter 6.
> 
> If you think Steve should realize he belongs with Bucky, read chapter 7.
> 
> If you want to see Tony and Bucky be spiteful read epilogue chapter 17  
> *****


	3. Tony Throw a scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapter one.  
> *****

That was when Tony couldn’t hold his tongue any longer. He would have slipped out and talked to Steve about the whole situation later, but that gesture was too much. It was so small and innocuous, but it was undoubtedly a romantic gesture and would certainly seem like it to any outsider. Even if Steve hadn’t left him yet, even if he wasn’t cheating on him yet, that little gesture just told Tony everything he needed to know about Steve’s intentions.

Without warning, Tony flipped a chair around from the adjacent table and sat down on left side of Steve and Bucky’s table, effectively sitting right between the two startled men. Tony smiled at the confusion on Bucky’s face, and the look of abject horror and shock on Steve’s.

“I’m really sorry-” Steve started before Tony interjected.

“Hey, Steve, I didn’t know you were going out for coffee, or I would have come with you. I came out of the lab and you weren’t home, so I checked Facebook and you had a Foursquare check in three hours ago at this location.” Tony recounted his last hour with a scarily smooth smile. “I figured it was worth a shot to come down here since I thought you would be here working on schoolwork or reading. I never imagined you would have a friend with you.”

As a barista came over with three more coffee cups and Tony finished speaking, Steve opened his mouth to talk, only to be interrupted by Tony as he started up again.

“I figured since it looked like I was crashing something special here, you two would be less mad if I bought a round of coffee while we talked this one through. Lord knows, I am not the greatest at reading social cues, but it looks like to me you two are on a date.” Tony turned to Bucky for an answer.

Cutting in before Bucky could reply, Steve defended himself with a sharp look. “Tony, I’m not trying to two-time you-”

Bucky cut Steve off with a questioning look and answered Tony. “I mean, he’s not my boyfriend, but this was a date of sorts. What’s it to you?”

“Excellent. So my question for you--I didn’t catch your name, by the way--tell me, what would you do in my shoes?”

“My name is Bucky, and pal, I gotta say, I’m not following you.”

“Tony Stark,” he said, offering Bucky his hand. “Imagine the guy you love has been sneaking around, and you find him in the middle of a coffee date with someone else!”

Tony, you have to admit, we’re barely even in a relationship as it is--how long has it been since I have actually been treated as the guy you love?” Steve said, trying to make him see his point of view. “I really am sorry; I didn’t go into this thinking of it as a date, but then again, how would I even remember what a date feels like? We haven’t even talked in weeks!”

Tony just glanced at him and continued on. “Would you wait around to find out if it's just a misunderstanding, or if it's sex and a cup of coffee, or if worst of all is this falling in love over coffee? Would you stay, knowing things are just a little bit worse? Would you ignore it and let it fester like an abscess? Or would you dive right in and face the misery head first? Well, you see, Steve here is in a long term relationship with me. In fact, we’ve been living together for about four years--isn’t that right, Steve?”

Steve shuffled in his seat uncomfortably before answering. Looking down at his hands, which were now in his lap, he weakly replied, “Six; we’ve been together for six years.”

Tony brightened up and gave a wide toothy smile, though instead of making him look handsome or happy, it made him look a little crazy.

“You starting to follow, my dear Bucky? Or do I need to spell the problem I’m having out a little more?”

Bucky donned the face of a man who had smelled something incredibly foul.

“Look, I didn’t know Steve was dating someone, I don’t really want any conflict,” Bucky started to say before being cut off by Steve and Tony talking at once.

“I was going to tell you once I realized it was becoming a date--I’m sorry; I really messed up-”

“So, how did he reel you in? Was it the whole wholesome, all-American-boy act? Did he bat his big baby blues your way and you came running?”

“Tony, this is an argument between the two of us; don’t drag Bucky into it. Let’s finish this later,” Steve said, warning in his tone.

“What’s the matter Stevie--don’t want me and the other woman to get to know each other? Frankly, there is no accounting for taste. Then again, what do you expect from the kid on the playground that steals everyone's toys?”

Steve crossed his arm across his chest again and let out a sigh. He opened his mouth to speak, but Tony was having none of it.

“You don’t get to act all indignant! You can’t put on your displeased face and work this out with a speech and righteous anger. You’re wrong! You aren’t the injured party!”

“Tony, you’re making a scene, and yes, I know I screwed up, but let’s not ruin the other customers’ days,” Steve said firmly.

“Right, because that’s the most important thing here. Let’s ignore the fact you are cheating on me here, not to mention the deceit and the lies. Look, it may not be kissing or screwing yet, but if you have to hide what you’re doing then you’re already there.”

“What was I hiding? It may seem like I was hiding things from you, but you’re never around to know what's going on in the first place!”

“The definition of omit is to leave something out of what you’re saying\--what we have here is a lie of omission. This makes your actions deceitful. Where is this concept losing you?”

“Tony, I will talk about this with you at home; this isn’t the time or the place.”

“You know what, forget it,” Tony said with false calm and a shrug. “You aren’t worth it. What pisses me off the most about this whole situation is that all of our friends are going to look at this like it's my fault. You have everyone fooled by your nice guy act. I would have given you anything to make you happy.”

Bucky had been watching the scene unfold quietly but decided to speak up at that moment. “You two seem to have a lot to talk through, so I’m going to go. Steve, call me, actually--no, I’ll see you in class, I need to process all this, but I really wish you would have told me.”

Tony put a hand on Bucky’s arm as he made a move to leave. “Don’t worry Buckaroo, he’s all yours. I hope you know what you’re getting into. He’s not a saint or whatever he painted himself to be. He’s a coward. He abandoned our relationship rather than work it out. At least he’s good in bed, for what it's worth.”

Tony turned and walked out, not looking at Steve and Bucky. Bucky followed soon after, shooting Steve a disappointed look.

Steve hung his head and sat by himself at the coffee shop. Tony was right, he was a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> If you think Steve should realize he should stay with Tony, read chapter 6.
> 
> If you think Steve should realize he belongs with Bucky, read chapter 7.
> 
> You can also end things here, or you can continue to the epilogue, where things turn out ok for both Steve and Tony - Chapter 13
> 
> You can also end things here, or you can continue to the epilogue, where Tony makes it out ok, but Steve stays alone - Chapter 15
> 
> If you want to see Tony and Bucky be spiteful read epilogue chapter 17  
> *****


	4. Tony doesn't want a fight he just wants things to be over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapter one.  
> *****

Tony didn’t know how to react--that gesture was so small and innocuous, but it was undoubtedly a romantic gesture and would certainly seem like it to any outsider. Even if Steve hadn’t left him yet, even if he wasn’t cheating on him yet, that little gesture just told Tony everything he needed to know about Steve’s intentions.

Eventually, instead of confronting Steve, he decided to ask the barista to deliver two coffees to the pair and tell them they were from Tony. That would let Steve know he knew without creating a scene. He walked home and told the driver that brought him to the coffee shop that he didn’t need him, he just needed air--since he saw Steve and the other man together it seemed like there was not enough.

Tony’s head was spinning, and he didn’t know what to do. Should he let Steve explain himself or should he just let go? He loved Steve more than words could say, but he also knew that once someone started going outside the relationship, there wasn’t much left to save. Trust could be rebuilt, but it would never be as strong. Tony didn’t think he had it in him to be watching over his shoulder for Steve’s next dalliance. If Tony were honest, he could admit Steve and he were having problems for a while but had been dancing around them. No, Tony couldn’t live in the perfect world he had painted in his mind.

Tony worked a lot, and when he wasn’t, he was thinking about inventions or going to social galas for work. Many times when he brought Steve along, he didn’t even introduce him as his partner. All of the could-haves and should-haves played in his head as Tony walked home.

By the time he arrived, he was exhausted. He slammed the door to their--well, his--penthouse with a bang and rested his forehead against it. The thought that Steve wouldn’t be calling this place home hit Tony like a brick to the chest. He allowed a single tear to fall, but he didn’t bother wiping it away. There would be more before the night was over. Many more. Tony was almost proud the tears held out for this long.

Even though he hadn’t even really confronted Steve yet, he couldn’t help mourning. He didn’t even really know what he was mourning for sure because their relationship was stilted. Maybe it was the loss of possibility. Tony really believed he had a chance with Steve to carve out something special.

If someone had asked Tony what his greatest accomplishment was, his response would be that he finally had maintained a successful relationship. He really thought Steve loved him. With all the friends and lovers he had over the years, it amazed him that he had managed to hold onto a truly good man like Steve.  

Maybe that was what the hardest part of this was. It wasn’t that he was hurt Steve was straying, it’s that the vision of Steve as the perfect man in shining armour had gone up in a poof of smoke like it was a game of pretend. It was clear that any attempt to fix things at this point would be a waste because Steve wasn’t the man Tony thought he was.

Tony fell in love with a man who would protect his heart with the same energy he tried to protect everything else. Steve always tried to be altruistic and help the underdogs--he hated bullies. Surely Steve knew Tony’s heart was fragile and precious and needed protecting.

Maybe the idea of their relationship  was what Tony wanted. Was it worth trying to hold onto? Would Tony still be able to get lost in his eyes? Tony tried to close his eyes and picture Steve and maintain the image of the man who used to blind him with goodness and light.

The man who Tony turned to in order to silence the bad thoughts and insecurities wasn’t there, and it hurt Tony more than he would have thought to admit that their wasn’t much left. Tony wanted to go back to before he saw Steve and his friend at the coffee shop. He wanted to go back to his warm fuzzy place in his head where his relationship was safe and he could make Steve his everything.

No, Tony didn’t want that. Tony wanted nothing more to get this over with. It was better to start all over again than live a dream that wasn’t meant to be.

Resigned to the fact that he had to end it, Tony took out his phone, sighing before he dialed Steve’s number. “Steve, you’re a coward. I know things are over; it’s too late to fix us. Let's both just move on. Pick up your things tomorrow when I’m at work. I don’t care how far it went. I don’t want to fight.”

On the other side of the city in a coffee shop at a table by himself, Steve thought about his actions and choices. After the coffees from Tony arrived, Steve had told Bucky about Tony and their whole situation. Buck had left shortly after, understandably upset, and told him he had to figure out this mess. He was deep in thought when his phone beeped with an incoming message alert from Tony.

After listening, Steve hung his head. Tony was right, he was a coward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> If you think Steve should realize he should stay with Tony, read chapter 6.
> 
> If you think Steve should realize he belongs with Bucky, read chapter 7.
> 
> If you want to see Tony and Bucky be spiteful read epilogue chapter 17  
> *****


	5. Tony blames himself and lets Steve go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapter one.  
> *****

Tony didn’t know how to react--that gesture was so small and innocuous, but it was undoubtedly a romantic gesture and would certainly seem like it to any outsider. Even if Steve hadn’t left him yet, even if he wasn’t cheating on him yet, that little gesture just told Tony everything he needed to know about Steve’s intentions.

Eventually, instead of confronting Steve, he decided to ask the barista to deliver two coffees to the pair and tell them they were from Tony. That would let Steve know he knew without creating a scene. He walked home and told the driver that brought him to the coffee shop that he didn’t need him, he just needed air--since he saw Steve and the other man together it seemed like there was not enough.

Tony’s head was spinning, and he didn’t know what to do. Should he let Steve explain himself or should he just let go? He loved Steve more than words could say, but he also knew that once someone started going outside the relationship, there wasn’t much left to save. Trust could be rebuilt, but it would never be as strong. Tony didn’t think he had it in him to be watching over his shoulder for Steve’s next dalliance. If Tony were honest, he could admit Steve and he were having problems for a while but had been dancing around them. No, Tony couldn’t live in the perfect world he had painted in his mind.   
  
Tony worked a lot, and when he wasn’t, he was thinking about inventions or going to social galas for work. Many times when he brought Steve along, he didn’t even introduce him as his partner. All of the could-haves and should-haves played in his head as Tony walked home.

By the time he arrived, he was exhausted. He slammed the door to their--well, his--penthouse with a bang and rested his forehead against it. The force of the slam knocked a picture off the small table by the door. The frame didn’t break, but Tony thought his heart might. The picture was of him and Steve on Christmas, Steve was holding out an apple to Tony and wearing a ridiculous elf hat while Tony scowled, wearing an all black Santa hat. Tony didn’t really celebrate Christmas because he was neither sentimental nor religious, so Steve always made a joke of it by giving him apples in honor of Sir Isaac Newton’s birthday, which was also around that time.   
  
A lump stuck in Tony’s throat. It was such a Steve thing to do--instead of making a big deal over Christmas and either forcing Tony to participate, or excluding Tony from his own celebrations, Steve adapted them to make Tony comfortable. When was the last time Tony changed for Steve?

Thinking back about it all, when was the last time Tony sacrificed anything for Steve? Steve was there for Tony at every gala, every business event. Didn’t Tony miss Steve’s last art show? Tony actually couldn’t remember the last time the two of them did something on Steve’s terms. Tony tried to think of something he did for Steve that wasn’t about spending money.

He couldn’t.

Maybe Tony deserved this.

He couldn’t help but think that if he had been more available for Steve, then maybe Steve wouldn’t be spending his time cozying up to another man at a coffee shop. When was the last time he made Steve felt needed?

Did Steve know that Tony loved him? Did Steve know how loving him made Tony feel like he could conquer the world? Did Steve know that his touch kept the nightmares away? That Tony didn’t have panic attacks when Steve is out in public with him? 

When was the last time Tony made Steve feel treasured? Maybe he shouldn’t have fought with him over the little stuff. When was the last time he and Steve really had a long conversation? Tony was pretty sure they just bickered.

They hadn’t been on a date in forever--Tony was always busy with work or inventing. Tony couldn’t be mad Steve was with another man; he might as well have driven him to the coffee shop and handed Steve a condom.

The penthouse felt like a morgue. The walls seemed to be closing in on him. Everywhere he looked, he saw Steve’s imprints on their home. Tony let out another tear--the condo itself was another example of Tony ignoring what Steve wanted. Steve had wanted a house in the suburbs and a dog. Tony had wanted something luxurious after he made his big break. After sharing that cramped space back during his MIT days, he wanted to reward Steve for sticking through the bad times.

Tony left out a derisive snort and scrubbed at his eyes. Looking back on it, the bad times weren’t that bad. Their apartment was tiny, but it didn’t matter because they were always hanging onto each other anyways. They were always looking for an excuse to brush past one another--a skip of hips walking by turned to passionate kisses and love making. They couldn’t afford to go out, but they enjoyed sitting in each other's laps and feeding each other ramen just as much.

Tony doesn’t know when he lost sight of that. When did it matter what people thought of the car he drove? Before, he only cared about the pep talks Steve gave him as Tony threw up into the toilet before meeting with another potential backer for his inventions. Tony used to not care about what the magazines printed because Steve would wrap his arms around his waist and whisper into his ear about how he was worthy of love and respect whenever he had a bout of self-doubt.

Steve used to be the person who knew him best, but now, Tony wasn’t sure. Steve used to be the only one who saw through his cocky Tony Stark persona and saw the fragile, insecure man. Now, Tony wasn’t sure if Steve knew how quickly his world could fall apart without him to trust.

Without Steve, Tony was nothing. Tears flew freely because deep down, Tony knew it was over. He fucked up. He lost Steve. Steve felt the need to find another man, and Tony loved him enough to let him go. Tony always knew he didn’t deserve Steve.

Resigned to the fact that he had to end it, Tony wiped his eyes before dialing Steve’s number. “Steve, you’re right; I’m a coward. I know things are over. It’s to late to fix us. Let's both just move on. Pick up your things tomorrow when I’m at work. I don’t care how far it went. I don’t want to fight.”  
  
On the other side of the city in a coffee shop at a table by himself, Steve thought about his actions and choices. After the coffees from Tony arrived, Steve had told Bucky about Tony and their whole situation. Buck had left shortly after, understandably upset, and told him he had to figure out this mess. He was deep in thought when his phone beeped with an incoming message alert from Tony.  
  
After listening, Steve hung his head. Tony had sounded worse than Steve had ever heard him, and he didn’t know what to do and how to react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> If you think Steve should realize he should stay with Tony, read chapter 6.
> 
> If you think Steve should realize he belongs with Bucky, read chapter 7.
> 
> If you want to see Tony and Bucky be spiteful read epilogue chapter 17
> 
> *****


	6. Steve chooses Tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make.
> 
> This chapter follows chapters three, four, and five.  
> *****

Steve fucked up. He knew it, Bucky knew it, and Tony knew it. The only lingering question was how Steve was going to fix it--that is, if he actually could. The first thing he needed to do before he could make it up to anyone is sort out the fucked up mess that was his head.  

Being honest, open, and contrite was the only way he was going to make this up to anyone. It wasn’t fair for Bucky or Tony for Steve to try and straddle his current relationship while starting a new one. Steve had to reconcile his love for Tony and his growing feelings for Bucky.  

He had hurt Tony deeply. He and Tony had been devoted to each other at one point and with work they could possibly overcome the past few months and get back to the good times. That was, if Steve really was still in love with Tony. Not only were Steve’s feelings for Tony suspect, there was the whole question of Tony’s love for Steve. Maybe Tony was falling out of love with Steve and would take this opportunity to end things with an air of righteousness. Tony could still be in love with Steve but be too hurt by Steve’s actions to trust him again. 

When things with Tony were good, they were great. The problem was that things with Tony had been going badly for so long. Steve felt alone more than he felt like part of something when he was with Tony. Tony was going places and making something of himself without Steve. Steve was no longer a partner in his life, but a passenger.  

Steve supposed Tony needed him the way anyone needs someone, as a friend, a companion. Steve still remembered the days where Tony needed him to face the day. Steve was his rock. Tony wasn’t the fragile man with the self esteem issues covered by arrogance anymore. Tony didn’t need Steve to tell him he was important.

Steve used to have a say in their future, but now, it didn’t seem like Tony cared. Steve’s dream of having a family and a dog in the suburbs was traded without his consent for a penthouse in the city and flashy galas.

Tony was still faithful and still made Steve a part of everything he did. Steve was always Tony’s date for events and galas. Tony still asked for Steve’s opinion when he had an idea for an invention that would make the world better.

But people change, people grow apart, and everything decays over time, even relationships. The deepest love isn’t enough when two people are no longer whom the other fell in love with. Maybe Tony and Steve could love the people they became?

Steve was quick to fight for the underdog, why he was rolling over when it came to their relationship? Wasn’t it worth fighting for? Didn’t Steve owe it to himself and Tony to try? They had come so far together. Surely there was still love underneath the surface.

Steve couldn’t help thinking that he was cheating himself as well as Tony. Tony had been faithful and kind to him. Tony had given him no reason to stray. Whether Steve’s intentions were innocent today at the start, he couldn’t kid himself that he was intentionally putting Tony on the side burner to test the waters with Bucky.

He deserved every ounce of pain he was feeling. He’d lied, he’d cheated Tony, and he’d robbed himself of his happiness by pushing away the one guy he had loved and who had loved him in return. He’d lied to him, even if it was only by omission. Steve knew he was going to be alone; it was the least he deserved after everything he’d done. And for what? A chance he could recapture what he and Tony had with someone else? It served him right.

Steve had no right to hurt Tony the way he did. He owed it to Tony to talk to him and at least let him know how he was feeling and give Tony a chance to react to it all. Whether Tony forgave him and they worked it out, or Tony decided what Steve that did was too much, Steve had to try.

In the end, Steve knew he didn’t deserve to be with a man like Tony. Even if Steve didn’t physically cheat in action, he had concealed what he was doing tonight with Bucky, and that was just as bad. If he had to hide it and lie about it, it was probably something he shouldn’t have done. Steve had a lot of ground to make up with Tony if he ever wanted to make things right with Tony--if there was even a chance he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> If you think Tony should reject Steve’s apology, read chapter 8.
> 
> If you think Tony should forgive Steve, read chapter 9.  
> *****


	7. Steve chooses Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make.
> 
> This chapter follows chapters three, four, and five.  
> *****

Steve fucked up. He knew it, Bucky knew it, Tony knew it. The only lingering question was how Steve was going to fix it--that is, if he actually could. The first thing he needed to do before he could make it up to anyone is sort out the fucked up mess that was his head. He never should have started this whole thing before he knew what he wanted. Now, people were hurt, and it was all his fault.   
  
Being honest, open and contrite was the only way he was going to make this up to anyone. It wasn’t fair for Bucky or Tony for Steve to try and straddle his current relationship while starting a new one. Steve had to reconcile his love for Tony and his growing feelings for Bucky. The honest truth was that he didn’t deserve either man. Tony didn’t deserve to be treated that way after all they had been through, and Bucky was too good for Steve.   


The thing was, when Steve really sat down and thought about it, he wasn’t sure if loving someone and being in love with them were the same thing. He definitely loved Tony--there was no argument about that--but now, after being frozen out of Tony’s heart for so long, it felt like it was more of a love for a brother. Steve knew that moving on without ending things with Tony was sleazy. He felt bad about that, but not about moving on. If he had been smart and dumped Tony, then he wouldn’t be in this state or have any guilt.  

Steve felt worse about how things ended with Bucky. The whole situation seemed like the plot to a badly written soap opera. Steve should have thought things through a little better and not taken the easy way in the beginning. Now, he had to drag both Bucky and Tony into his personal drama.

Steve had no doubts in his mind that things were over between him and Tony. When he thought about the future, he rarely saw Tony as a part of it. Not that Tony couldn’t be a part of it, but his happiness for the future didn’t hang on Tony’s presence anymore. Steve didn’t have overwhelming, consuming feelings of love anymore. He wouldn’t intentionally lie or hurt someone he loves.

He didn’t necessarily aim to hurt Tony, but he was aware that if Tony found out about his coffee date it would hurt him, but he just didn’t care. Steve liked to think he was a good person who did the right thing and put others first. The thought scared Steve, that he could be both so thoughtless and careless. It wasn’t like Steve to do something like this.  

Steve couldn't help but think back to the date--there was no point in calling it anything else--Bucky seemed genuinely happy to be there with Steve, like time with Steve was special and an event. Steve couldn’t remember when someone was content to just to sit and talk with him with no other purpose other than listening to him.

Steve shared something deep and meaningful with Bucky that he never even touched on with Tony. Steve had opened up to Bucky about why he needed to be a teacher and what motivated him. Bucky knew about his mother and what happened after she died. That was a part of him he never visited with anyone else. It’s not like he purposely kept the whole ordeal from Tony, but it never came up. Tony knew Steve’s mom had died, but he didn’t know the extent of the grief that still touched Steve to this day. Tony knew Steve decided to get a dual masters in education and art therapy, but he didn’t know what drove Steve to that point. All Tony cared about was Steve was doing what he wanted, not why he wanted to do it.

It spoke volumes about Bucky that he was able to get Steve to relinquish that information at a point when he and Steve weren’t even friends. There was something about Bucky that made Steve want to share even the dark parts of his soul with him. Steve couldn’t help but feel like Bucky took those slivers of Steve’s psyche and treasured them in a way that no one else would. It was almost like Bucky knew how special those pieces were. After all that, Bucky even gave Steve peice of his broken soul in return.

Steve couldn’t help feeling worse about the position he put Bucky into. No matter how things developed from here, anyone who knew about the situation would always look at Bucky as a bad guy. Bucky was as much a victim of Steve’s thoughtlessness as Tony at this point. Steve was the only one at fault here--only narcissists keep people on the back burner as back up, but getting other people to see that might be a problem.

His course of action was made clear by the fact that right now, he should be worried about Tony, but all he could think about was Bucky. He had to convince Bucky that he was worth all the trouble he caused him and that he wouldn’t break his heart, but how could he convince Bucky that he was worthy of his love and affection when he started things out with a lie? Steve wanted Bucky’s trust, and he had to be prepared to do what it takes to make that happen.

He hoped that he could convince Bucky that Steve wasn’t out to make him the “side chick” and that Bucky knew that Steve’s desire to be with him today had to do with him, not just an escape from Tony. Steve couldn’t deal with the thought of Bucky thinking so poorly of him, but that was the type of reactions his actions bore.

Above all, Steve wanted to fix things and do right by Bucky. He just hoped he hadn’t ruined something special before it started. It would be a tragedy to never get to see how things played out for them.

In a burst of anger, Steve let out a forceful breath. He had to stop that train of thought--he couldn’t be a victim in this situation that he created. No matter what, he had to be prepared to fight for what he wanted. He also knew he had to be the type of man he considered himself to be and not the callous jerk he acted like tonight.

Steve knew when you played fast and loose with people’s emotions like he had done, someone was bound to get hurt. There was no doubt he hurt Tony and Bucky. The question was, how badly he was going to hurt himself by the time this all played out? He hoped that when all was said and done, he didn’t end up with a broken heart--even if he deserved it.

With a sigh, Steve realized that he couldn’t let this sit and fester; he had to apologize as soon as he could so the situation wouldn’t get any worse. Tony already knew that their relationship was basically over, but he would call him and try to clean up what he could. Bucky, on the other hand, was a different story. Steve really wanted to work on their connection, and hopefully, after an apology, Bucky would want that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> If you think Bucky should forgive Steve, read chapter 10.
> 
> If you think Bucky should reject Steve’s apology, read chapter 11.  
> *****


	8. Tony rejects Steve's apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make.
> 
> This chapter follows chapter six.  
> *****

Steve paced outside the penthouse he had shared with Tony. It was hard to think of it in past tense like that. Had it really been 48 hours since he brought his own world down on them? It seemed like longer. Steve had spent six years living with Tony. It was strange for two nights not having him to talk to and go over the day's events with- even if they never really talked the option was there, now it was all gone. It was weird not curling up with Tony in bed. It was weird not waking up with him.

It was weird having to knock on the door and not just walk through. It was weird seeing Tony open the door and stare through the gap the deadbolt allowed, not say a thing. He just slammed the door shut. Steve stood there, prepared to knock again, when the door flung back open and Tony stood, blocking his entry to the penthouse.

Tony didn’t let Steve even start into his apology. “Don't even try to deny it. I saw it all. Tell me, at what point in our relationship did you start thinking of us in past tense?”

Steve steeled himself for what was going to be a messy fight--not that he didn’t deserve it. “No, it’s not like that. It was just--it--it was just a thing. I-I felt bad, and he was just there. We hadn’t been talking, and he wanted to get coffee and get to know me,” Steve explained to Tony as Tony turned his back on Steve.

Tony paused halfway through his turn and reeled back to face Steve. “Do you think I'm stupid? I know you’re using that date with Bucky as an excuse to end things with me without having to actually talk about it.”

“God, Tony this is the first time we have said more than a sentence back in forth in months! I just needed someone to care that I was there. I wanted to be around someone who also wanted to be around me.”

“Oh, ho. Oh, okay! You had to do it because he was there and I wasn’t around enough. Like that makes it okay. Poor Steve needed to have someone to make him the center of their life!” Tony quipped. “I used to be that to you.”

It was Steve’s turn to get mad. “And then you weren't! You left me alone. Tony, you walked out of this relationship long before I ever tried moving on. I don’t owe you an explanation because after you got rich and famous you stopped caring what I had to say anyways. I don't owe you anything!”

  
Tony was not about to let Steve twist this into being his fault. “That’s why you snuck away without a fight? That’s why you went behind my back? Our relationship was over; why not just end it instead of being a coward?”   


Steve flinched. “Where do you get off judging me? It didn’t cross my mind to end things with you because I almost convinced myself there was nothing to end. I may have hurt you, Tony, but I didn’t break us up. Our relationship has been broken a long time, so as much as I hurt you, you hurt me first.” 

“When is this ever a solution to problems? I hurt you, and you hurt me back. Very mature. Steve, you’re so ready to fight for the little guys and fix the wrongs with society, but how about you fix things at home first. How about you fight for us. I don’t know when I stopped mattering to you, and I don’t know when you started being a coward!”

  
“No, the ‘mature’ solution is for you to spend your whole life telling stupid, pointless jokes so that no one will notice that you are just a scared, insecure, little boy! The ‘mature’ thing is making sure that none of the people who care about you are let in. The ‘mature’ and ‘brave’ thing is keeping everyone at arm's length. God forbid anyone ever get close enough to know Tony Stark has a fucking heart.”

“Oh, because look at how well it worked out when I let you in! If this was an experiment, this would be a failure. Lesson learned. No one loves Tony Stark.”

Steve looked like he had been slapped. “ I'm sorry, I-”

  
Tony cut him off. “Don't! Just... don't. There's nothing you can say.”

 Steve tried to talk again. “Tony, I didn't mean to-”  


Tony wasn’t going to let him do this, to let him share his side. To get into Tony’s head and make Tony feel like somehow Steve was right, to listen to his excuses. “To what? Violate my trust like that? How could you, Steve? How could you just pull the rug out from under me? Without any warning? You didn’t even tell me how you were feeling!”

  
“Violate your trust? I... I-I didn't... mean anything like that, I-I, I just wanted us not to freeze each other out. I’m done with all the little fights. None of it means anything,” Steve beseeched.

 “If you don't wanna fight, you don't fight. You don't hide to make a fight disappear. You don’t cheat.”

  
“But I-I just wanted to talk to someone. I didn’t know how to make things better. Better for us.”

“But you hurt me. You brought Bucky into this. You don't get to decide what is better for us, Steve. We're in a relationship, we decide together.”

“Okay. I'm... I realize I, I did it wrong,” Steve said, his anguish written clearly all over his face.

  
“You did it the way you're doing everything. When things get rough, you... you don't even consider the options. You just take the path of least resistance. Stop trying to decide how to make other people happy without talking to them. Although, honestly, how cheating on me was supposed to keep me happy is some pretty dumb reasoning.”’

“I’ll do better,” Steve beseeched.

“You think you can just do that to me? You think I'd let you get away with that? Think again! We’re over.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> You can also end things here, or you can continue to the epilogue, where things turn out ok for both Steve and Tony - Chapter 13
> 
> You can also end things here, or you can continue to the epilogue, where Tony makes it out ok, but Steve stays alone - Chapter 15
> 
> If you want to see Tony and Bucky be spiteful read epilogue chapter 17  
> *****


	9. Tony accepts Steve's apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapter six.  
> *****

  
Steve paced outside the penthouse he had shared with Tony. It was hard to think of it in past tense like that. Had it really been 48 hours since he brought his own world down on them? It seemed like longer. Steve had spent six years living with Tony. It was strange for two nights not having him to talk to and go over the day's events with. It was weird not curling up with Tony in bed. It was weird not waking up with him.

It was weird having to knock on the door and not just walk through. It was weird seeing Tony open the door and stare through the gap the deadbolt allowed, not say a thing. He just slammed the door shut. Steve stood there, prepared to knock again, when the door flung back open and Tony stood, blocking his entry to the penthouse.

Tony didn’t let Steve even start into his apology. “Don't even try to deny it. I saw it all. Tell me, at what point in our relationship did you start thinking of us in past tense?”

Steve steeled himself for what was going to be a messy fight--not that he didn’t deserve it. “No, it’s not like that. It was just--it--it was just a thing. I-I felt bad, and he was just there. We hadn’t been talking, and he wanted to get coffee and get to know me. God, Tony this is the first time we have said more than a sentence back in forth in months. I just needed someone to care that I was there. I wanted to be around someone who also wanted to be around me.” 

Tony paused at that. “I thought I'd hit bottom, when my parents died and I came close to losing myself in one night stands. When my first funded experiment failed and almost drank myself to death but to be so pathetic that the man I have loved for years couldn’t stand to be with me... couldn’t be honest. It hurt that you didn't trust me enough to tell me we were through. Instead of being your partner I became a burden.”

  
Steve thought about that for a bit. The silence was uncomfortable when Steve finally answered.  “ “I'm sorry. I should have told you how i was feeling. It seemed easier when we stopped talking to keep not talking until it seemed impossible to start again”.

  
Tony looked at Steve with compassion. “Maybe you would have if I hadn't given you so many reasons to think I'd be an ass about it. If I didn’t convince you that I didn’t care maybe we could have tried to fix things before it got to this point”

  
“Guess we've all done a lot of things lately we're not proud of.” 

“ I think I've got you beat. Maybe not in this instance, but my can compare each other's history. My rap sheet is longer.” Tony quipped gliby.  


“Wanna compare? Because you’ve been a pretty good partner the last few years. I am the one who ruined everything.” Steve said, he tried putting his hand on Tony’s arm, but TOny just pulled it away.

  
“Not so much.  At some point it seems like you and I became business partners rather than lovers.I don't know what I'd do without you. I can’t do this without you.” Tony sighed.

  
“Let's not find out. I love you. You know that, right?” Steve hunched down to look Tony in the eye.

 “I love you too, but sometimes you fall in love with the wrong people at the wrong time- even the right person at the wrong time is bad. That’s what I think happened to us. You may love me, but we fell in love before we were ready and ended up growing apart.” Tony replied sadly.

“I know there's nothing that I can say or do to make up for what I did. I can't. I wish there was something I can do to help us move past all this.” Steve asked.

“Me too.” Tony said bitterly and turned away.

  
“But you gotta believe me, please, I want to make up for it. I wanna take away the hurt. I love you so much.” This time Steve did succeed in grabbing TOny’s arm and pulling him back.

Being forced to look at Steve then was too much. Tony couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. Weakly he said, “I don’t know how things fell apart the way they did. But man, they’ve fallen apart so thoroughly and completely I don’t think I can engineer a way to put things back together. They’re never going to be the same again. That kills me, because I can fix the world's problems, I can event whatever you need- yet I can’t think of a way to solve my own fucking relationship problems“

Steve used the hand he had on Tony’s arm  to pull him into a hug. Letting Tony cry on his shoulder while he rubbed Tony’s back.“It doesn’t have to be this complicated. All we have to do is start talking to each other again. Rekindle the romance.”   
Tony gave a frustrated sigh and pushed away.”  I'm sorry, it's just... You know, it takes time. You can't just expect me to go on a date with you and forgive all that's been done.” Tony pointed at Steve right in the chest. “YOu can’t apologize and ‘aw shucks’ your way out of this one.”

“I know.” This time it was Steve who looked like he was going to cry. That was something Tony had never seen before, the man was a solid presence. While Tony was usually the emotional one Steve was an ocean of calm helping him come down. Unless of course you caught him in his social justice mode, then he was ignited with righteous fury. Seeing him moved to near tears for Tony, because he was sorry, because he was so scared of losing Tony, gave TOny hope that things could be salvaged.

Tony cupped Steve’s cheek  “There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again on both sides. There’s unpacking all of that emotional baggage we’ve both been stacking up. We have to relearn who the other is again, map out all the changes. Figuring out if we can fit each other back into our hearts. It’s going to be a long, emotional and tedious process. I don’t do well with those. Let's do the unhealthy thing, let’s just move the fuck on and repress this. Pencil it in later say mid-life crisis or death bed confessions?”

Steve let loose a choked laugh and hugged Tony tightly. After he released him, Steve held Tony at arms length and gave him an appraising look. “You know we’re going to have to talk about this.”

Tony peered up at Steve, grabbed him by the neck, and kissed him. “Don’t care. Less talk right now. More kissing.” He said against Steve’s lips.

Steve hummed in approval and said “I forgot how good it feels, us together.”

Tony broke away from the kiss and gave him a wary look. “Yeah, well let's just make sure you don’t forget. I’m thinking this is something that might take us well until the end of the week to study.” He grabbed Steve’s hand and pulled him into the apartment and locked the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> You can end things here, or you can continue to the epilogue. The epilogue for this story line is chapter twelve.


	10. Bucky accepts Steve's apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapter seven.  
> *****

Bucky marched through the streets of Brooklyn back towards his apartment building, fully intent on locking himself away and never coming out again. He felt betrayed--how couldn’t he? Even before their so-called date, he allowed Steve to get inside his head. He shared things with Steve that he never shared with anyone else.

He’d allowed himself to fall head over heels for Steve, damn the consequences, and look what it had gotten him. He was utterly pathetic! He wasn’t even officially seeing Steve yet, and he felt like his entire future had been ripped from him. For weeks, he had daydreamed about what dating Steve would be like, what it would feel like to kiss him. He spent weeks obsessing over small details about Steve, like how he would run his hands through his hair when he got excited about something. Bucky would give anything to reach up and smooth it out for him. He secretly daydreamed about other ways he could get Steve’s hair messy and sticking up all over the place like that.  


Bucky tried to stitch himself back, tried to keep himself for mourning the loss of what could have been. The closer he got to home, the faster he felt his resolve crumbling.  By the time Bucky made it back to his apartment, he was barely holding it together. He barely got the door shut behind him before his legs gave out and he collapsed back against the door.  
  
Bucky slumped to the floor, holding his head in his hands. There, he finally cried openly, big and ugly tears running down his face as he sobbed. This was never supposed to happen. He was never going to let someone make him feel worthless, like he wasn’t good enough. After he moved away from his stepfather, he promised himself he wasn’t going to let other people affect his self worth.

What was it about him that made him unworthy of someone special? What could he have possibly done in his past life to make it so he never got to have nice things? He was seriously wondering if he was a mindless assassin who killed millions in his past life. What else could make karma smack him down with all this bad luck?  
  
He had put a lot on the line when he opened up to Steve. After that day when he talked about his stepfather and why he wanted to be a teacher to Steve, he waited. He waited to see if Steve ran in the other direction. He waited for Steve to show that he thought Bucky was worthless, that he didn’t matter. Steve never did, though. Instead, Bucky’s deepest shame and secret seemed to make Steve want to be around Bucky more. It was like Steve thought Bucky was worth more because of what he went though, that his feelings and insecurities made him more valuable.

Things were so fucked up. He couldn’t believe Steve! He had been cozying up to the guy for most of the semester. The two had been flirting back and forth for months--how could Steve not have mentioned he was seeing someone? Fuck--he was even living with the guy! This was the person he trusted so fully, the guy he finally allowed himself to fall so hard for, and he was nothing more than a liar and a fraud.

Maybe Steve saw that Bucky was insecure and figured he could use it as a distraction from whatever was going on with Tony. Maybe Steve only wanted to sleep with him, thinking Bucky was so worthless that he’d probably be down for it. What was it about Bucky? How did he fall for this? Was there something about him that made Steve think he would be okay with something like that?  Was he too naive and stupid? Was he not good enough? Did something about him show he wasn’t good enough for a real relationship? Maybe if we'd met at a different time, this wouldn't have happened.

The part of Bucky that he hated the most, the part of himself that still wanted his stepfather to approve of him, the part of him that was scared of letting people down, was busy making excuses for Steve. That part of him saw Steve as the only person who saw that part of Bucky and didn’t run scared. That part of Bucky needed Steve--the first person he really opened up to--to really be the man Bucky thought he was. If Steve really did choose him and really did want him, then that part of Bucky was valid and worthy.

That part of Bucky mused about how things stopped before there was too much damage done and how Steve was honest with Bucky about who Tony was. If Steve was going to lead Bucky on and cheat on Tony too, he would have lied. Maybe, just maybe, they could try this thing again when Steve did right by Tony.

That part of Bucky was also winning right now. There were no great reasons for cheating; however, if it really, truly only happened once Steve decided he and Tony were through, then Bucky might, with a little work, be able to move past it. If Steve could prove he was really devastated by what he did, maybe he could move past this. There was a difference between saying sorry and truly being sorry. Bucky had to feel Steve was committed to moving forward with Bucky.  
  
Regardless of what Bucky decided to do, it was apparent that Steve had a lot of shit to sort out. He would cross the other bridges when it came to them. In the meantime, Bucky had time to think, reflect, and process his emotion

It took Steve twenty-four hours to show up at Bucky’s door, an emotional wreck. Bucky was unprepared to see him there. The sight of him took his breath away. Even though Steve’s eyes were red-rimmed from crying, even though he looked worn and haggard from lack of sleep, Steve  made Bucky still longed  to hold him. Instead of trying to hug Steve, Bucky instead crossed his arms over his chest and steeled himself for the oncoming confrontation.

“Why are you here, Steve? Shouldn’t you be trying to fix things with your boyfriend?” Bucky asked wearily.

“Bucky, I swear to you, things with Tony and I had been over for months when you and I went for coffee. I know it isn’t right, but when I agreed to to go to coffee with you in the library, I chose you over him. It wasn’t even a choice really. I didn’t even think about Tony until he bought us the coffees,” Steve pleaded.

“That doesn’t sound very good. You date someone for years and things get serious enough that you move in together, yet he doesn’t even cross your mind when you agree to go on a date with someone else? You don’t even talk out the breakup before moving on without his knowledge?” Bucky scoffed.

“Look, I loved Tony at one point, but we honestly haven’t talked in over a month. Look, these are my messages with him,” Steve explained quickly. He shoved his phone towards Bucky. When Bucky turned the screen on he scrolled through a series of messages from Steve telling Tony what he was doing and where he was going, and goodnights. There were no replies from Tony.

“So, you think that proves anything? Thing are bad between you and Tony?” Bucky’s aggravated voice started to rise to a shout. “Then end it! You don’t wait around, seeing other people, and give him the reason to end it with you!”

“I know, I know. You have no reason to trust me, and I fucked up. Royally, I fucked up. I am Captain Fuck Up! I get it. Just please, let me make it up to you. Let’s start over so I can go back and do this the right way,” Steve begged.

“Until you and Tony get your act together? Until we hit a rough patch and then you decide to leave me like you left him? Or worse, you just move on while I’m none the wiser?”  Bucky challenged.

“Things with Tony and I are done; all my things are in the car. It was awful, it was ugly, and it was way worse than he deserved, but it’s over. You and I already, in just fleeting moments on campus, have already shared more than Tony and I have in the entire time we’ve known each other. You have a piece of me that I never gave to Tony. That’s why you and I can be together. That’s why, if we can work this out, I know that’s it. I’m in this untill the end of the line. No straying, no one else.”

“Steve, this isn’t going to work. I can’t trust you. I want to. I want to believe that I can share the parts of me that I keep hidden from other people, that someone would see them and love me still. I was just being stupid,” Bucky said dejectedly.

“Bucky, don’t you dare feel stupid. You didn’t know. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was stupid for the way I went about things.” Steve hesitated before plowing on. “I know it’s early and that it’s hard to believe, but I love you. It started that day with the Shakespeare assignment. I have never been so sure about anything else,” Steve said, impassioned.

“Forgive me, but come on, Steve, that’s a little hard to believe. You were with Tony for six years, and you walked away. I am sure at some point you told him you loved him. I am sure at some point you were certain he was your endgame,” Bucky answered.

“Bucky, there is no feeling I have ever had with Tony that compares to what I have with you. Tony and I were teammates playing against all the people who didn’t believe in us, and we both thought it was the same as love until we stopped being on the same team. Tony doesn’t have to face his doubters. Tony conquered them. The only person who I care if they doubt me is you,” Steve reasoned.

“Look, I want to believe in you. I want to put my faith in you, but you took away every reason for me to do that,” Bucky replied, tears pricking his eyes. He took a deep steadying breath, determined not to let Steve see him cry.

Steve apparently had no such reservations and let his tears fall freely. “Bucky, just please, give me a shot. I understand you can’t trust me, but let me earn it back. Let me prove to you I mean it.”

“If I let you back in, if I decide to forgive you, it might work out. You might earn my trust back, and we will live happily ever after. There is also a chance that it might be too much because honestly, you hurt me pretty deep. I put a lot of faith in you. I might decide that I can’t do it, that the wounds are too deep to fix. Are you willing to take that chance?” Bucky asked, looking Steve in the eyes.

“Bucky, I will take even the smallest crumb of hope from you. If there is even the slimmest chance that we can work this out and we can move on, I will take it. I just have to try. I can’t live without trying to fix things,” Steve replied, hope shining through his tears.

Even though he was afraid to let Steve into his heart any further, he knew he, too, would regret it if he didn’t even try to give Steve a chance. Bucky didn’t say anything. He just folded Steve into his arms and gave him a chaste kiss on the forehead. It was bittersweet and salty and tear-soaked, but it was full of promise of things yet to come.

Things had a long way to go to repair the shattered trust, but Bucky couldn’t help but be hopeful. Even though things were really shaky, Bucky had to take it on faith that the risk of Steve breaking his already battered heart was worth the potential that Steve was right, and this was meant to be for both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> You can end things here, or you can continue to the epilogue. The epilogue for this story line is chapter 14.  
> *****


	11. Bucky doesn't accept Steve's apology

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make.
> 
> This chapter follows chapter seven.  
> *****

Bucky marched through the streets of Brooklyn back towards his apartment building, fully intent on locking himself away and never coming out again. He felt betrayed--how couldn’t he? Even before their so-called date, he allowed Steve to get inside his head. He shared things with Steve that he never shared with anyone else.  
  
He’d allowed himself to fall head over heels for Steve, damn the consequences, and look what it had gotten him. He was utterly pathetic! He wasn’t even officially seeing Steve yet, and he felt like his entire future had been ripped from him. For weeks, he had daydreamed about what dating Steve would be like, what it would feel like to kiss him. He spent weeks obsessing over small details about Steve, like how he would run his hands through his hair when he got excited about something. Bucky would give anything to reach up and smooth it out for him. He secretly daydreamed about other ways he could get Steve to look like that.   


Bucky tried to stitch himself back, tried to keep himself for mourning the loss of what could have been. The closer he got to home, the faster he felt his resolve crumbling.  By the time Bucky made it back to his apartment, he was barely holding it together. He barely got the door shut behind him before his legs gave out and he collapsed back against the door.  
  
Bucky slumped to the floor, holding his head in his hands. There, he finally cried openly, big and ugly tears running down his face as he sobbed. This was never supposed to happen. He was never going to let someone make him feel worthless, like he wasn’t good enough. After he moved away from his stepfather, he promised himself he wasn’t going to let other people affect his self worth.

He had put a lot on the line when he opened up to Steve. After that day when he talked about his stepfather and why he wanted to be a teacher to Steve, he waited. He waited to see if Steve ran in the other direction. He waited for Steve to show that he thought Bucky was worthless, that he didn’t matter. Steve never did, though. Instead, Bucky’s deepest shame and secret seemed to make Steve want to be around Bucky more. It was like Steve thought Bucky was worth more because of what he went though, that his feelings and insecurities made him more valuable.   
  
Things were so fucked up. He couldn’t believe Steve! He had been cozying up to the guy for most of the semester. The two had been flirting back and forth for months--how could Steve not have mentioned he was seeing someone? Fuck--he was even living with the guy! This was the person he trusted so fully, the guy he finally allowed himself to fall so hard for, and he’s nothing more than a liar and a fraud. It was with that thought that Bucky stopped mourning and started getting mad.  


Bucky was angry. He was angry at himself for falling for Steve. He should have never let himself be duped by his charm and kindness; it was all an elaborate act. He was angry at himself for feeling sorry for himself. Bucky was angry at himself for being sad things didn’t work out; he should be glad. It was better to figure out that Steve was a snake now than later. Bucky was angry at himself for getting so emotionally invested before he had cause too--they hadn’t even started dating yet. On top of everything, Bucky was most angry that he let himself think how Steve’s betrayal was somehow deserved. Life wasn’t an equation that needed to be balanced. Steve did a shitty thing to him, but it didn’t mean Bucky deserved shitty things to happen, that he somehow asked for it.  

Bucky was angry at Tony Stark, too. He may not really know Tony, but he hated him for having a relationship with Steve in the first place. It was petty, Bucky knew, resenting Tony for having what he wanted, but if Tony didn’t exist, he and Steve would have been together. He hated Tony for pushing Steve to the point where he had to act out this way; if Tony had treated him right, then Steve would have never involved Bucky in this whole mess. Then, he hated himself a little bit more for thinking that way. It wasn’t Tony’s fault Steve was a liar and a cheat. No, he wasn’t going to sit here hating himself and a stranger.

Bucky was determined to put all his anger and hate where it was rightfully deserved: Steve Fucking Rogers. Steve was the one who led him on. Steve was the one who cheated. Steve was the one who hurt Bucky and Tony by putting his own wants first. Steve was the one who made Bucky feel this way. It wasn’t Bucky who wasn't good enough. It was Steve who wasn't good enough.

Bucky’s mental assault on all things wrong with Steve Rogers was interrupted by a knock on his door. Bucky looked out the peephole and saw Steve standing there. Briefly, Bucky went to war with himself about whether to ignore him or open the door and sucker punch him. In the end, he did neither and stood in the doorway.

“What do you want? How did you find me?” Bucky demanded.

“You gave me your address in the beginning of the semester in case I had to pick up your part of the project,” Steve explained, an apologetic look on his face.

“Well, I didn’t intend for you to use it to stalk me,” Bucky seethed.

“I couldn’t just let things end the way they did. I really want to talk,” Steve pleaded.

“Oh, so following me home after I specifically told you I couldn’t deal with this right now is the right way to make things up to me? Violating my express wishes not to be around you so that you can make yourself feel better?” Bucky snarled.

“I didn’t think of it that way, look all I-” Steve started before being cut off.

“I don’t care what you think, or what you have to say. I don’t want to hear your excuses. You put yourself first. You still are putting your wants and needs before anyone else’s.”

“Look, I think I’m in love with you. If I wasn’t, I would be across town trying to salvage things with Tony, but I chose to be here with you.”

“That’s just fucking spectacular! You chose me, great! Know what, though? Just because you chose me doesn’t mean I choose you.”

“Bucky, at least let me tell my side of things. I really think you should hear me out. We could have something special.” 

“You know what the kicker is, Steve? I thought I loved you too. You fucked it up though--you lied. Ask me again why I could never love you now? You lied to me and led me on. You lied to your long-term boyfriend and took the coward's way out. How could I ever love someone I can’t trust? I don’t want to be with you. I can’t stand the fucking sight of you!”

“Nothing that happened between you and I could be considered cheating on Tony. You and I just had coffee. Tonight meant more to me than the last couple months of being with Tony.”

“Nothing happened on our date--and you fucking knew it was a date when I asked you out--because I stopped you!  If I hadn’t ended the date, if Tony didn’t make his existence known to me, and we had continued the way things were going, what would you have done if I kissed you? Turned me down, making me wonder what I did wrong? Would you have kissed me back? How much farther after that would you have let things go? Your relationship was over with Tony in your head. What would the harm be?” Bucky ended sarcastically.

Steve clenched his jaw and looked away so he wouldn't have to meet Bucky’s eyes.

“You see, the part that really gets to me is that somewhere in your relationship with Tony, you gave up and slipped away from him. The poor sap didn’t even know it. What makes you so sure that wouldn’t happen with us? I can’t ever commit to you because this will always be in the back of my mind.”

“Bucky-” Steve tried to get a word in, but Bucky held up his hand.

“No, Steve, I can’t start something with someone who makes me feel I will always have to be looking over my shoulder. You can’t give yourself to a relationship if you are always looking for an expiration date.” Bucky turned to go back into his apartment. “Show yourself out. We’re done here.” He closed the door without looking back at Steve, the click of the lock giving a finality to the moment, the friendship, and the potential of the relationship.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> If you want to see Tony and Bucky be spiteful read epilogue chapter 17
> 
> Or this can be the end of the story.   
> *****


	12. Happy Stony Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapter nine.  
> *****

It was their seventh anniversary and it was supposed to be a wonderful night. They were going out for a fancy dinner, dancing and then going home to each other's arms.  It started off perfect. That was until Tony thought Steve was flirting with their waitress and then Steve got aggravated that Tony was jealous.   


“Christ! It’s been seven years Tony. If I wanted to leave, then I wouldn’t have stuck here this long. You need to get over your insecurities.”   
  
“Well, God forgive me if I get offended when the guy I’ve been seeing for seven years starts eye fucking the server at our anniversary dinner. It’s not like you’ve never given me any reason to think it might happen”   
  
Steve softened at that, He got up from the table and crouched down in front of TOny’s chair and took both of Tony’s hands into his own. “Tony, get it through your thick skull, you are the one I want. You are the one I choose.”   
  
Tony examined his shoes, what if I’m boring you? You can do so much better.”

Tony looked up at Steve through long lashes. Steve wanted to cry at the beauty of it. If he still suffered from asthma then he would have thought an attack was coming on. “There is no one better. I’ve been looking for you my entire life.”

“Steve I love you too. So much. Loving you is the greatest thing I will ever do.” Tony said choking up.

“I love you Tony, I love everything about you. The way you come home from work smelling like metal and sweat.” Steve got down on one knee so he was eye level with Tony. “The way your eyes light up when you are thinking of a new way to do something, or an invention.”

Tony was starting to get overwhelmed with emotion. Tears were forming in his eyes. “I have traveled the world several times and have never found someone who amazes me every day like you do. Someday I will take you to see every square inch of the world.”

  
“I love the way you see past my mistakes and transgressions. I love how you never give up on thinking I am capable of being a man worthy of your love. I love how you hold me accountable for my actions without writing me off as a lost cause. I love waking up every day next to you”   
  
The two shared a bone crushing hug and a smoldering kiss.   
  
“I love you too Steve”

“I love how you are so confident and sexy. I love how you make me feel sexy by default. I love the way you are insecure and vulnerable just for me. That you trust me with the most fragile parts of you.” 

Tony tried to cut the emotional thickness in the air, “Jesus, it sounds like we’re giving eachother wedding vows.” He closed his eyes and shook his head.

  
Steve reached into his back pocket and pulled out a ring. As he held it out to Tony he said, “Might as well be. This is it forever for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is the end of this story line. Thank you for reading!  
> *****


	13. Stony epilogue following a split

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapters three and eight.  
> *****

As ugly as things ended, the world kept moving without Tony and Steve. Steve moved out of the penthouse. Tony moved out of New York full-time in favor of a satellite office in Malibu. They shut themselves off from the world, both nursing the wounds inflicted by the other, both becoming shells of themselves. It worried their mutual friends who didn’t know what to do. The group was getting sick of having to divide and either include Steve or Tony.

Their group of friends had been slowly pushing the two of them together over the last few months. Tony had come back to New York on business. Steve had never really tried to move on after the situation was resolved as much as it could be. Both of them were melancholy and needed a friend, so their friends insisted that it made sense that they shared some “male bonding.” Plus, they were the only two singles left in the group.

Most nights, that meant the two of them sat next to each other at the bar nursing a beer and not talking while their friends danced and played darts. There was nothing to say. There was too much pain between them. Neither thought the other would get it. Those were the excuses they gave themselves. Meanwhile, they both cried alone in cold and empty beds. When their friends asked, they said they spent time together--they did their homework and spent time in the same room. 

When the two of them became each other's responsibility, their friends didn’t have to feel bad about not paying as much attention to either of them. Who could take that much depression and misery? Pepper was struggling with her new role at Tony’s company. Sam was busy being paid to fix people’s issues in therapy, he didn’t need the burden of their mess. Natasha and Clint were navigating what each other meant to the other and how it would effect the group--no one wanted another Steve and Tony situation. The two men were starting to be a burden to their group. They had to get over themselves enough to be near each other, or their little family would break apart.

  
Things changed on New Year’s Day. Tony decided he had enough moping around.   
  
“Listen, we’ll never get comfortable around each other if we keep ignoring the problem while sitting around.”   
  
“What do you suggest we do? I don’t see you going out of your way to build us a bridge.”   
  
“Look, we both need to eat, and you know where the best diners are. Do you want to be the only two people left in town who are moping around inside? Isn’t this the day we used to consider the biggest drinking day of the year?”   
  
“Oh, because hanging out with you would be the fastest cure for my crippling depression? I don’t know if you remember, but it was breaking up with you that gave me the depression in the first place.”   
  
“Here I thought you gave all my gifts back when you moved out. All I am saying is that we can be depressed at the bar. Being depressed here isn’t helping either of us.”   
  


It’s funny how things start. Just that one night set things in motion. It’s not like that night had far reaching results and consequences--they didn’t even have anyone to kiss that night--but both would consider that night as the night that turned everything around.   
  
They both started to become more like themselves. They laughed again. They socialized with their friends again. They started hanging out together every weekend and most weeknights. They were becoming each other's best friends again.   
  
It wasn’t until they had to go to Clint and Nat’s house for a dinner party that things finally came to a head. 

  
“You know Steve, if someone would have told me in December that you and I would be on speaking terms again, I would have checked them out for brain damage, but it’s fitting how I’m here with you now.”   
  
“How so?”

“You and I getting together to visit our close friends’ house together. To celebrate the start of their new relationship. It's poetic, really.”

“Yeah Tony, real poetic. Ironic as it is, even with all the bad stuff festering between us, there are still a lot more good memories than bad. We were together for years, Tony. You can’t turn off the love and affection over night.”   
  
“See, that’s just it. I have spent most of my adult life avoiding getting attached to people. The only friends I have are the ones I found through you. I never stopped to think that in fact, the most consistent and meaningful relationship of my adult life happened with you. No one has ever come close to loving me the way you did. When it gets down to the nitty gritty, you’re my family. Fuck, Steve, the voice in my head that tells me to take care of myself and lectures me when I am about to do something stupid sounds like you.”   
  
“It must be from memories from all the times I really had to do that. Look, Tony. I haven’t dated anyone since you. I haven’t even tried. Without you, it’s like all colors and sounds and tastes are gone. Without you, my life just isn’t worth living. I’ve been going through the motions until you came back. These last few months of us being friends mean more to me than you would ever know. It’s like I am a part of the world again.” 

“Let’s put the past behind us. Let’s start over, Steve. Forget all of the hurt and let’s be happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is the end of this story line. Thank you for reading!  
> *****


	14. Stucky happy ending epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapter ten.

It took until almost the end of the semester before the two of them were on stable enough to officially re-attempt their first date. Steve was a little wary about doing the whole coffee date thing again, but he had gotten a text from Bucky to meet him for coffee after he dropped off his paper for class. When he got to Espresso Pump, Bucky was pacing out front. After greetings were exchanged, Bucky promptly informed him that they were heading out.   
  
“I thought we were getting coffee?” Steve grumbled.   
  
“I got our coffees--you’re holding yours! We need to hurry--I have a lot planned and we’re burning precious time here.”   
  


Steve sighed and allowed himself to be led away by his hand to god knows where. He was surprised when they stopped in front of a used book store.   
  
“I want to play a game. We’re going to go on a scavenger hunt of sorts.” This idea perked Steve up.   
  
“Okay. What are we looking for?”   
  
“Well, first off, we need to find a book that means something to us that we want to share with the other, then we are going to find the book with best title, and then the oldest book in the store. When we tick all of these off our list you will get a reward.”   
  
“Tell me what the reward is, and I’ll get with the goose chasing.”   
  
“No, you have to play the game first,” Bucky insisted with a smirk.   
  
After about two hours in the musty store, Bucky had presented Steve with an original Detective Comic from before DC started selling superhero stories, and Steve had found an old leather-bound book for Bucky to write in. They had also discovered a gem of a novel called  _ The Lump in my Pants Means I Love You _ by EB Stuart and found a crumbling copy of Walt Whitman’s  _ Leaves of Grass _ .   
  
“Well, we’ve accomplished everything on your list. Now, move along with the prize giving,” Steve said expectantly. In response, Bucky leaned down with a smile and gave him a soft, chaste kiss. It was the perfect date. Steve couldn’t think about a better way to replace the bitter memory of their failed first date than the past few hours.

The next day, Steve had lunch with Sam and spilled the beans about what was possibly the most fun and romantic date of his life. He had to face a barrage of questions.   
  
“He took you to a bookstore as a makeup? Is that his idea of romance?”   
  
“It was sweet and intimate, and I have to say, Bucky is so refreshingly different than any other guy I’ve been with.” Steve explained with a blush.   
  
“Why are you grinning from ear to ear? This whole thing is moving so slowly you two might as well be back in the 19th century,” Sam pried.   
  
“Yeah, it is going very slowly, but after what happened, we are trying to take things slowly so that we can go into the new relationship with a foundation of trust,” Steve explained.   
  
“Did you...” Sam waggled his eyebrows suggestively.   
  
“Nope, nothing physical other than kissing and hand holding until we have a strong emotional foundation. I fucked up with Tony, I fucked up the first time with Bucky, now I’m not taking chances or rushing anything.”   
  
“Yeah, well I can see that with dates at bookstores. Where’s the next one at--a child care center or a supermarket?”   
  
“He loves that book store, and he wanted to share it with me,” Steve replied, continuing to beam at Sam. He had never been so happy in his life. Everything about Bucky was strange, different, and exciting, waiting to be explored. Bucky was so mysterious and yet, so loving, and Steve couldn’t wait to spend more time with him.

Bucky and Steve were as unlike as it could get. They were undeniably different. Their backgrounds, their upbringing, their culture, and their outlook towards life were all different, but though poles apart, it seemed like the magnetic laws were soon to start applying to them. The force of attraction was too strong to repel. They were soon quite inseparable.   
  
Steve invited him to meet his mentor from high school, which was as close as Bucky was ever going to get to meeting Steve's parents, and later, Bucky and Steve went together to meet Bucky’s stepfather. While that didn’t go well, Steve and Bucky decided they really didn’t care; they were going to make their own rules.

  
They were in love. They were invincible. Or, at least that’s what they thought. Boy, were they wrong, and two weeks before their dissertations were due, reality crashed down on them.

  
Steve was waiting in the library two hours before they were to meet their advisors to see if their dissertations were accepted and if they were graduating. Bucky was meeting him before their separate appointments for moral support. Steve had hurried to the library, thinking he was going to be late. He was happy to note Bucky wasn’t there, because he didn’t want to keep him waiting on Steve’s account. Steve sat at a computer and tried to quell his nerves until Bucky arrived. He knew Bucky would be worried about the results even though Bucky wrote one of the most thorough dissertations Steve thought possible.   
  
It’s funny--Steve had never studied for an exam for his life, yet here he was sitting at the library because he knew it's what his boyfriend would want. Steve found himself doing a lot of things just because he knew it would make Bucky happy, but he couldn’t think of a time in his life when he was so content. Steve spent most of his time away from Bucky thinking about him. Bucky had become the center of his life, but it wasn’t chaffing and claustrophobic like things with Tony were at the end.   
  
Steve realized he was letting his mind wander. He tended to let that happen while thinking of Bucky. Looking at the clock, though, he realized that a half hour had passed, and Bucky hadn’t shown for their study date. Bucky was late, but he had never been late to meet Steve at any other point of their relationship. Even though Steve had only been dating Bucky for six months, he knew enough about Bucky to hazard a guess that Bucky had most likely never been late in his entire life. Steve decided to leave the library and go back to his dorm so he could grab his phone and call Bucky or his room mate. He was starting to get really worried. 

Upon leaving the library, Steve saw a large group of his classmates standing around the Student Union. “Hey guys, What's going on? Why are you all hanging out here?”   
  
“There’s been an accident,” Tim, a guy from his class, replied.   
  
“What? Who? Where?” Steve exclaimed.   
  
“Two guys from the Education Department hit a truck, and the guy driving didn’t look so good,” Tim said solemnly.   
  
“Anyone from our class?” Steve asked as his stomach dropped.   
  
“Actually, there was--he was in our masters group!”   
  
Steve’s heart stopped and his mind went numb. He raced to the department office.   
Everyone from their masters group was heading over to the hospital, and Steve was able to get a ride with a classmate because he knew he’d never be able to drive himself there and make it in one piece. Steve couldn’t fight the tears that trickled out of his eyes. He prayed to every god he could think of that Bucky would be okay.

  
Then he realized. If something went wrong, Bucky would never know. Steve never told him that he loved him. The new thought made Steve breathe even faster. Was he going to be okay? Was it too late? He couldn’t believe this was happening. He seemed so much larger than life, but now…    
  
They were shown into the hospital room. Tim had been wrong, thankfully--nobody had died. Their classmate James Rhodes lay  bandaged up with a broken rib and a badly wounded leg, and his friends clustered around his bed. James looked at Steve and winked, knowing that he wasn’t there to check on him.   
  
“Bucky’s just gone to the orthopedic section. He’s waiting to consult the physiotherapist--something about his knee,” James said with a reassuring tone.   
  
Steve let out a deep breath went looking for him, following the signs on the walls. And then, he saw him. Bucky was sitting there, all by himself in the reception area on a bench. No great harm done, just badly bruised. When Bucky saw Steve, the relief that washed over the two of them was palpable. They were both speechless. Words couldn’t touch how they felt. They both realized what they almost lost. 

Steve didn’t feel self-conscious, and he babbled endlessly before he said the three most important words he would ever say. “Bucky, I love you.” He just felt like he had come home, and then he felt Bucky kiss the top of his head. 

Steve didn’t want it to end there, so he leaned in and cupped Bucky’s face. He drew Bucky into a slow, loving, and passionate kiss. Steve revelled in every detail. He cherished the way Bucky smelled like smoke with a tang of sweat and savored the way Bucky’s stubble felt against his face. He rejoiced inwardly at the sound of Bucky’s sharp intakes of breath and enjoyed the way Bucky’s lips tasted and then how the inside of his mouth tasted. Mostly, he marveled that he got to be here, kissing the man he loved. In spite of everything that could have pulled them away, they were still here.  “I love you,” Steve told him again, looking down at the hospital floor.

Bucky was silent for a long time until Steve looked up into his eyes, and then he whispered, “And I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

In the end, they both passed their dissertations and moved onto graduation. After they graduated, Bucky and Steve moved in together--it only made sense trying to afford one apartment rather than two. While they proved Steve’s assertion about statistic right and both found jobs in the field, starting teachers salaries still were pretty low. Although they could have easily worked at the same school, they decided it would be easier not to work and live together at the same time. 

The two continued to be each other’s rock through the beginning of their careers and beyond. Bucky did eventually have to come out to his colleagues at the new school he was teaching at when he and Steve’s marriage made it into the paper. His fear about being pushed out of the school, or treated differently were for the most part unfounded. They knew everything would be fine, because if not they could get through it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is the end of this story line. Thank you for reading!  
> *****


	15. Steve winds up alone Stony sad ending epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make. 
> 
> This chapter follows chapters three and eight.  
> *****

Steve never came back to the penthouse after Tony threw the scene at the coffee bar. It hit him then that he screwed up and he lost Tony. He couldn’t bear to see Tony move on. He instead stayed away, living with mutual friends, hoping that Tony would come back for explanations after he calmed down. Bruce had been all too happy to call Steve  and let him know Pepper and Tony were back together, and that put paid to that plan. After a few weeks of brooding over Steve’s misery Steve did in fact try the couple thing again with Bucky. 

Even being with Bucky couldn’t help Steve feel less alone. In fact he felt more alone with Bucky than he ever had in Tony. After Bucky found out that Steve wasn’t exactly single on their first date Bucky made him feel like a pet or a bed warmer and not an equal. You know how it goes, fool me once shame on me, fool me twice... Bucky couldn’t trust Steve and a relationship without trust never works.

Steve ended up traveling around New York State doing short term teaching jobs after he finished his masters. He was outside of Albany when he found out Tony and Pepper were getting married. Steve had never been so happy and so sad all at once. He was glad that Tony had moved on, Pepper was an amazing woman. If Steve had to be replaced, he was glad Tony found Pepper to do so. Except he wasn’t being replaced. Tony didn’t leave Steve, Steve left Tony.

As bitter as Steve was about how everything happened he had to admit things worked out better for Tony than they would have ever worked out with Steve. He and Pepper could raise children if they were inclined. Tony would make a great parent. It was a good future for Tony. Pepper fit better into Tony’s world, she was smart, elegant, and sophisticated. She was a mover and a shaker and worthy of the spotlight. All things Steve was not.  
Steve really didn’t intend to be sitting outside the church in the poof’s car. Steve saw how happy Tony looked in his tux before the ceremony and couldn’t bring himself to go in the church. Being happy for Tony was one thing. Having to witness it firsthand in front off all his friends was too much. He ended up watching from a park across the street instead.

When the happy couple left the church and entered the limo that was waiting Steve was crying. If anyone saw him Steve would say they were happy tears. Luckily there was noone around to see Steve. All of his friends were at Tony’s wedding. Steve was alone, as he should be, ass he would be probably forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****  
> This is the end of this story line. Thank you for reading!  
> *****


	16. Steve, Bucky, and Tony try a polyamorous relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ********************************************************************************************************  
> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make.
> 
> This chapter follows chapter 1  
> ********************************************************************************************************

_“What?” Steve asked, feeling self conscious for a moment._   
  
“Nothing, just,” Bucky lets out a deep breath. “I didn’t think we’d ever get to do this, you know--going out on a date together. I didn’t think you would say yes even when I got the courage to ask you out. I wasn’t even sure you knew this was supposed to be a date at first.” Steve’s silly grin is wide, and he reaches across the table, placing his hand over Bucky’s and linking their fingers together. 

“Listen, I have to be honest with you before things go farther, before you get the wrong impression.”

Bucky looked very nervous at that moment. “Sure Steve, what’s going on?”

“Bucky, I really like you, but I have left out a very big part of my life. I have actively denied telling you I am in a serious committed relationship for the last six years.” Steve took a deep breath and continued when Bucky didn’t add anything. “My partner Tony and I have hit a rough patch and while I still love him, it has allowed me to develop feeling for you as well. I am not going to end things with Tony to pursue something with you, but I am also not sure where things are with Tony it will ever last on its own.”

“I am really confused as to where you are going with this. You’re in a relationship. You aren’t ending that relationship, yet you have feelings for me. Steve, you are a really great guy, but I can’t be the person someone goes behind someone else's back with.  It’s not fair to your partner TOny, and frankly it’s not fair to me. HOnestly, I am disappointed you would suggest something like that. I thought you were a better man....” Bucky ranted, visibly upset.

“Listen Bucky, I think you have the wrong idea. I am not trying to cheat on Tony. I have been reading about alternative relationships in one of the books I picked up for art therapy.  I thought it was going to give me information on asexuality, and demisexuality. There was also a section on polyamorous relationships.”

“So your grand plan to fix your relationship involves having a threesome?”

“Well polyamorous relationships are more than just sex. Basicly I am in love with TOny, but I am falling in love with you too. Instead of me having to choose you or him, we all sit down and work out a way for this to work with me being in a relationship with both you and Tony.” Steve explained.

Bucky scrubbed his hand over his face. “So what happens if Tony and I don’t get along? I never met the guy. Sure I have feelings for you, but I don’t even know Tony. Christ Steve, you never mentioned him to me before.”

Steve was encouraged by the fact that Bucky hadn’t turned him down outright yet. “I know I screwed up, but I was trying to wrap my head around things with Tony and new feelings for you. I should have told you when we started flirting, but I was scared.”

“Steve, you have to realize this isn’t the most average of things you’re asking me. I still mean what I said about Tony. What do we do if he and I can’t stand each other?”

“Well, there is more than one way this can work. You and Tony meet, you get along and see how things go. If you and he form a relationship, then that would be a polyamorous triangle, YOu and Me, me and tony you and tony- three relationships three sides of the triangle. While that would be great, what is probably going to happen at the start of everything is more of a V style relationship. I would have a relationship with you and one with Tony. Obviously you and Tony would both have to agree to try this, and get along enough to spend time together,”

“Look I have to admit I have had feelings for you brewing for awhile. This isn’t the way I pictured something starting with you, but if this is what it takes to be with you, then I will try. I may decide it’s too much for me later on, but like any other relationship it's worth trying”.

Steve visibly relaxed, “I am glad you are open to trying this Bucky. I was so scared you would tell me to take a hike, I just can’t picture my life without you in in.”

“What does Tony think of all of this? It must be really hard for him to be open to having you take me out. I am surprised you didn’t do this together?” Bucky said.

“Steve looked down at his feet. “I didn’t talk to him about it yet. I figured if you weren’t open then there was no point in upsetting Tony.”

Bucky looked horrified. “Steve, you really should have discussed this with Tony first. Imagine what he would think if he saw us together and didn’t know the whole story.”

“I really screwed this up didn’t I? I really should go talk to Tony. Thanks for being here and going along with this.”

Steve got up to leave and pulled Bucky into a hug. Their moment is interrupted by one of the baristas coming over. “I was asked by a Mister Tony Stark to bring you these coffees and his regards.” 

Both men turned to each other looking shocked.

“Steve, if I were you I’d fix this- like now? Go straight home and go talk to Tony. Call me later.” Bucky said urgently pushing Steve out the door.

********************************************************************************************************

 

Steve paced outside the penthouse he and Tony lived in. It was hard to think that he may have screwed things up so much, that may not be the case when he left tonight. Steve had spent six years living with Tony. It was weird having to knock on the door and not just walk through. It was weird seeing Tony open the door and stare through the gap the deadbolt allowed, not say a thing. He just slammed the door shut. Steve stood there, prepared to knock again, when the door flung back open and Tony stood, blocking his entry to the penthouse.   
  
Tony didn’t let Steve even start into his apology. “Don't even try to deny it. I saw it all. Tell me, at what point in our relationship did you start thinking of us in past tense?”   
  
Steve steeled himself for what was going to be a messy fight--not that he didn’t deserve it. “No, it’s not like that. It was just--it--it was just a thing. I-I felt bad, and he was just there. We hadn’t been talking, and he wanted to get coffee and get to know me,” Steve explained to Tony as Tony turned his back on Steve.   
  
Tony paused halfway through his turn and reeled back to face Steve. “Do you think I'm stupid? I know you’re using that date with Bucky as an excuse to end things with me without having to actually talk about it.”   
  
“God, Tony this is the first time we have said more than a sentence back in forth in months! You and I definitely need to have a long conversation, but don’t you dare act like I am running around behind your back.” Steve explained with apparent frustration.

“So what were you and Bucky doing? Holding hands while you’re exchanging tea cake recipes? From where I was standing it looked like me being there would interrupt a pretty romantic moment.” Tony argued.

“Tony, honestly we were just talking. I swear I have nothing to hide from you, in fact by the end of tonight I bet you’re going to want to get to know Bucky one way or another.” Steve soothed

“So what were you and Bucky talking about while getting so cozy together”

Steve shuffled from one foot to the other. “Actually Tony, we were talking about the same thing I wanted to talk to to you about tonight. I would like to ask you what you thought about the chances of us having a polyamorous relationship would be?”

Tony just blinked twice, put his hands in the air over his head and gesticulated wildly. “You are talking to me  about why I should trust you, and how you aren’t running off with Bucky, but you just spent a night trying to start a relationship with him over coffee. So, you aren’t leaving me, but you aren’t being faithful either. How is this different than cheating.”

Steve sighed and dug his heels in as he started to try to explain things to Tony. “Tony, the difference is that I am being open and honest with you. I am trying to salvage what I have with you because I believe when something is broken, that you fix it. Tony, we are broken, badly, even. We have some very large cracks in our relationship. Cracks that have made it possible for me to realize some things about myself. I am capable of loving more than one person at the same time. I love Bucky, not as deeply and fully as I love you, but it's there.”

Tony looked like a deer in headlights, Steve almost didn’t even Tony start talking again, his voice was so soft. “If you love Bucky, then why stay with me? You already admitted we’re broken.Why not start over with Bucky.”

Steve pulled Tony into an embrace. “Tony, just because I love Bucky, it doesn’t mean I love you less. I meant it when I said I want to stay with you and work things out. I can’t live without you be in my life.”

Tony took a deep shuddering breath as he unlocked himself from Steve’s arms. “I am willing to try this if it keeps us together. I was in an open relationship before and it didn’t work out. We both got jealous of each other’s partners and it became too messy to hold together.”

Steve nodded solemnly. “I understand that this is going to be hard. This is something that means we are going to have to be open and honest with each other. We all have to communicate with each other. We haven’t been doing so hot with that just the two of us.”

Tony shook his head in agreement. “That I get, this might be good for us, Steve. We can fix the cracks between us. I can find someone who wants to be in the spotlight with me and can handle being the center of attention- things I have been reluctant to share with you because I know how much you hate them.”

“Exactly! This is about loving each other for who we are and making sure we are fulfilling our own needs as well. I need someone who can be a little more emotional with me. That’s not you, but it is Bucky.” Steve was starting to feel relief wash over himself.

“So Bucky was open to this whole idea?” Tony asked curiously.

“Yes, although much less so when he found out I didn’t have a conversation about it with you first,” Steve answered sheepishly.

“I like this guy already. So, when are we going to meet so we can discuss logistics?” Tony asked.

“I am supposed to call him tonight and let him know how things turned out with our talk," Steve replied.

“Well, call him and see if we can do dinner here tomorrow. We can have a private dinner here, unless you think he’d appreciate more neutral territory.” Steve smiled as he listened to Tony approach this with the same tenacity and enthusiasm he approached every challenge, and as Steve dialed Bucky’s number on his phone, he felt things were going to be alright.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ************************************************************************************************  
> This is the end of this story line. Thank you for reading!  
> ***************************************************************************************************


	17. Bucky and Tony hook up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a choose your own adventure type story. If you read it expecting to simply hop from chapter to chapter, you will be lost. You must read the author’s notes at the bottom of the chapter in order to follow along, and you will choose how the story will end and what kind of choices the characters will make.
> 
> This chapter follows chapter 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 11.
> 
> I do recommend you read chapter 2 in order to understand the Bucky aspect of the story line even if Steve/ Bucky isn’t your cup of tea. There is a lot of character development for Bucky here and it will help you understand how he could be at the point he is at that allows what happens in this chapter to happen.
> 
> I do recommend if you haven’t read chapters 3, 4, or 5 you read one of them. These chapters all contain a different characterization on how Tony handled things and will give you character development that will help you understand where Tony’s head is at.

Seated at a small booth off to the side, the dim spotlights of The Tower, a club near the school Bucky and Steve attended, Tony watched as Bucky seemed to be shifting uncomfortably in his own skin, biting his lip and looking nervously around the loud and crowded room. Tony couldn’t help but wonder what had the man’s panties twisted so tight? Where was Steve, surely the two should be joined at the hip now that they were together.

  
Despite the fact that it was only an average night temperature wise for September in New York Bucky appeared to be sweating buckets. He kept playing with the cocktail sword in his drink, and Tony could tell Bucky wished he was gulping it down. The alcohol would probably calm his nerves as he prepared for whatever had him so on edge.   
  
Bucky’s eyes kept darting around the bar, like he was looking for the answer to some complex riddle. There was a pattern; scan the room, take a drink, and then look at his watch. The nervous energy the boy was exuding was practically humming. All the waiting and scanning seemed to be for naught, as a tall blonde man with slim features managed to sneak up to Bucky’s table undetected. Judging by the elation on the Bucky’s face Tony could hazard a guess that the man was who Bucky had been anxiously awaiting all night.

 

Tony’s interest was piqued when he noticed Bucky and the blonder version of lurch made their way to the dance floor. Tony smiled smugly. Steve wasn’t there and Bucky was dancing with another man. Either Steve’s actions had started to reap what he sewed or he and Bucky never managed to get it together.

Tony continued to watch Bucky dance. He had to admit he was a little jealous watching Bucky and the blonde dancing together on the floor. Bucky was strangely graceful as he was moving to the pulsing rock beat. It was pretty hot to watch.  
When Bucky noticed Tony’s stare he surprised Tony again. When Bucky noticed Tony’s intense stare, instead of seeming abashed he just ignored the other man. Tony was incensed. No one could just ignore his smolder. Tony was deciding whether he should storm over there and pull Bucky away from the other man, or let them enjoy their night while he caught up with Bucky later.

Tony got up to leave. Whatever Bucky was up to, he had no right to ask questions. Bucky probably thought he was going to report his actions back to Steve. Tony had the impression that Steve and Bucky hadn’t talked in awhile judging by the way Bucky looked at Tony. If Bucky had ended up with Steve, Tony reasoned he would have met his eyes with either a look of triumph over besting him, or a look of sadness and pity. Bucky was sure as hell giving him a look that screamed something else.

Tony was almost to the door when Bucky grabbed his arm.

“What the fuck! You spend the better part of an hour staring at me, but when I try to figure out what you're after you disappear.” Bucky fumed.

“Look, call it an inability to let go, I came here to see if I could catch a glimpse of you and Steve together. He always told me he wanted to check this place out, but it’s not my style. Figured now that he had you, you two would be here together.” Tony admitted tiredly.

“Steve’s not here, so you’re out of luck.” Bucky tilted his head up difiantly. “We’re also not together. I didn’t know  he had someone else when we went out for coffee. When I find out I walked out. Haven’t talked to him since.”

“Look I bear you no ill will, you seem like a good guy.”

“You caught that from watching me dance? People have told me I look a lot of things while dancing but like a nice guy isn’t one of them.” Bucky challenged. “Look I am not the kind of guy who would run around with someone, I was just as shocked and angry as you were I bet. I had a lot of hopes for Steve and I working out.”

“Yeah well, he’s good at making people feel hope.” Tony replied bitterly.

“Seems like he’s good at making people feel downright shitty too. At least let me buy you a drink. We can toast being fucked over by Steve together.” Bucky drawled.

“Yeah, no in the market for us to become besties over this.”  Tony said with finality.

Bucky smirked like a cat who just caught a mouse. “I never said we were going to be friends, but here we are at the same bar, the same heartache. I mean nobody says we gotta like each other, I’m just talking about a couple of drinks, a game of pool.”   

“And what pray tell will that accomplish Buck-a-roo.” Tony asked in an aggravated tone.

“Take our minds off things for a little bit. That’s something”. Bucky said peering through his lashes, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth.

Tony felt a mix of emotions. Lust and want washed over him warring with his anger and annoyance. There was a part of himself that Tony hated. The part of himself that was small minded, petty and vengeful. Tony tried really hard not to indulge that part of himself. More so after he got together with Steve.  Steve was gone though, and here was the man Steve wanted enough to throw away six years of monogamy and commitment with him for. Bucky was hurting just like Tony and wanted TOny around for some reason.

“Fine, but you should know I don’t do the whole college bar thing.” TOny answered warily.

Bucky’s grin got wider. “Even better, want to go back to your place or mine?”

Tony gave him an appraising look, “Let go back to mine. You sure you know what you’re getting into? I mean when we are doing the whole regret thing I don’t want consent to be an issue because you wanted to be a spiteful drunk...” Tony rambled.

Bucky smiled back, “oh I am well aware of what I’m doing- I am getting back at Steve. I’m doing it by taking a very attractive older man home”. He winked and let Tony follow him out of the club.

Later when they were finished with each other, just sitting  on the sofa in silence soaking up what had just happened, Tony didn’t expect Bucky to talk.

“Being here with you, didn’t help. Instead I get to be surrounded by all of the things in Steve’s life that I don’t get to touch.” Bucky admitted.

“Imagine feeling like that for months. Steve was around but he wasn’t really here. We had walls up keeping each other out. I don’t think he and I talked about more than the weather in weeks.” Tony mused.

“We talked everyday. We used to study before and after class. Now we don’t even sit together now. It’s weird having a Steve shaped hole in my life. He wasn’t even mine in the first place.” Bucky confessed.

“Yeah it really does suck, as angry as I am, I still miss him.” Tony added, “I wish we had been smart enough to work things out. He had always been my rock and help me with my anxieties and all the mental crap in my head.”

“You are being labeled as the single greatest engineer of our time. You have enriched the lives of everyone on earth. There is not a piece of technology that isn’t using some form of Stark chip or processor in it.” Buck asked.

“Look, I know if sounds trite. Poor little rich boy, didn’t get enough hugs growing up, and all that. I assure you though, I have plenty of baggage.” Tony winced.

“Want to get into a discussion about the lack of parental hugs, I have plenty of that baggage of my own.” Bucky replied putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“We should do weekly dinners, start a support group”. Tony snorted.

“You know, I wanted to hate you. You had Steve first. It would be so much easier hating you if you weren’t so likeable.”

“Yeah well Buckarino, I wasn’t a fan of you either. You really are a nice guy.”

The two sat there in companionable silence for a while longer. Both Tony and Bucky were rethinking the assertion that they wouldn’t be friends while they got up and made breakfast.  The two moved around each other getting out milk and bowls and cereal without any awkwardness that comes with most one night stands.

Bucky was leaving after breakfast when he turned to Tony, “What night we meeting for that support group?”

“I’m free most Tuesday’s, you like Shwarma?” Tony replied laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ********************************************************************************************************  
> This is the end of this story line. Thank you for reading!  
> *****************************************************************************************************


	18. Soundtrack

The Rose - Bette Midler  
Thinking of You - Katy Perry  
Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift  
Goodby To You - Michelle Branch  
When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars  
Kinda I Want To - NIN  
Hey Ya - Outkast  
Be my Downfall - Del Amitri  
What Hurts The Most - Cascada  
Stay - Rihanna  
Love the Way You Lie - Rihanna Feat. Eminem  
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow - The Shirelles  
If I Fell In Love With You - The Beatles  
TIme After Time - Cyndi Lauper  
Another Lonely Night - Adam Lambert  
Hello - Adele  
Someone Like You - Adele  
Carry On- FUN  
Stereo Hearts (feat. Adam Levine)- Gym Class Heroes  
Do You Know- Enrique Iglesias.  
Paralyzer- Finger Eleven  
Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now - The Starting Line  
Sorry Seems The Hardest Word - Elton John  
A Year From Now - Across Five Aprils  
Affirmation - Savage Garden


	19. Author's Notes

This story was originally supposed to be much different. The outlining phase had multiple scenarios of how things could have worked out. When it came time to write it, I realized that there are millions of ways things can work out, and if I ended up writing them all down, I would go crazy, much like the Mad Hatter in season one of Once Upon a Time. If there is something you feel should be written that is not, drop me a line--we’ll talk and maybe I can make it happen.

I have to be honest, this story would have not been written without the work of Sam (cellophoenix.tumblr.com). She proofread and edited my writing, helped me trim the fat on the outline, gave me feedback that greatly affected the outcome of the story, and downright rewrote most of chapter three. Sam had also been invaluable with managing all the storylines. Without her, the story would not be coherent. She is truly an amazing person and the best support anyone could ask for. It takes a lot to give so much time, energy, and creative output to someone else's work. Sam undertook a challenge and made this journey to completion a joy. I am lucky she agreed to help me. 

Another person who deserves a lot of credit in the completion of this story is Pugglemuggle (pugglemuggle.tumblr.com). She not only agreed to do artwork for this story, but when I was brainstorming, she opened up a whole new line of thought on one of the outcomes of the stories. She let me pick her brain and ask her questions about something I was familiar with. She was also a personal cheering squad for me when my personal life got into the way of writing. Pugglemuggle gave their creativity through use of their artwork. I would never have even gotten past the outline if they didn’t lend me their excitement about the story. It is much easier to write when you know people want to read what you are writing about, especially when you are undertaking a crazy idea like a choose your own adventure story. 

My life partner deserves credit too. This story has been very hard on me because I had to examine my opinions and feelings on cheating from multiple perspectives. I never really thought too much about the line in the sand that defines cheating and where the point of no return in a relationship is until I wrote this. I found out more about my views on relationships than I did after five years of marriage. This story has also opened up a dialogue between my husband that would have never been there had I not tried to write this. Even though he is not a part of fandom and has never read fanfiction, he supported me on this endeavor.

The last group who deserves a thank you is the people behind The Stucky Library on Tumblr. The first piece of Stucky fanfiction I ever wrote was for an event they did during the winter holidays. They are responsible for the Steve and Bucky Big Bang and all the hard work and organization behind it. Samthebirdbae (samthebirdbae.tumblr.com) deserves special distinction for being so patient and informative--not only did they link me to multiple resources when I needed them, but they also answered questions and gave morale boosts. 

 

Thank you so much for sharing this journey with me and reading this story. I hope it was time well spent. Please follow all these great people and The Stucky Library on Tumblr. 

 

~Malome78


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